This is me

[chrisd]

Well its back to the clinic again tomorrow.

More tests, just hope we get some better news this time.

Hope everyone is doing well and enjoying the sunshine.

Chris

[robbyb]

Hi Chris,

Sorry to have been so absent.

Things have been a little complicated at this end, and the little spare time I've had has been spent sleeping as often as possible!

I really hope that the news from the clinic will be positive today and that the doughty positive mental attitude has what it takes to power you two through the day towards good news.

I too believe that the power of the mind is an awsome thing.  I work in a health profession where we are taught in University that all ailments and pathologies are physical in nature... cause and effect.  The longer I work in the environment an dcan make up my own mind, the more I realise that to treat the body without treating the mind is pointless.  I even think sometimes that we'd get better results exclusively treating emotional and mental upset than if we exclusively treated physical harm/ilness!

So, good luck, my positive mental attitude is riding alongside of yours today.

Take care, tree-hugger,

Rob

[chrisd]

Were to start.

It has just possibly been the hardest few days of my life.  It was not good news at all. After nearly 4 years of having to deal with the possibiliy of infertility it is now upon us.

We went to the clinic on Thursday for the monthly bloods and scans and were told that its not going to happen.  The scans showed no activity in Tracy's ovaries.  Nothing, nada, nowt. No egg this month and  nothing for next month. 

We now have to come to terms with the fact that we are not going to be parents, not now, not next month and possibly not ever.

As you all know I am a positive person but every inch of positivity has been drained from my body, I am now at my lowest ebb, lower than I have ever been.  All I have ever wanted has been taken away from me and we have been left with this overwhelming feeling of sorrow, sadness and anger.

We are now in the position of greaving for the the loss of the child we will never have.  I feel like a part of me has died.

We now have to wait for a further month to speak to our consultant to see if we will have any chance of having a baby through egg donation.  Fingers crossed that we will be able to but I am not holding my breath, the way I feel now I just cant see it, I cant be positive when all I am doing is wallowing in self pity and loathing.

I will post more as we come to terms with things but my emotions are all over the place and I dont want to post something that I will regret.

I hope you all understand, I am sure you will as you are probably feeling the same emothions as me and my wonderful partner.

All the best to you all out there, I hope you all get the good news that you are waiting for as have Rob and Ben, I hope you never have to feel the pain that I am going through at this time.

Chris

[robbyb]

Chris,

I don't know what to say and I think that's because there is nothing to say.

It sounds like it must have been the worst week imaginable and I'm so, so sorry to hear how final it must sound to you.

We're both really thinking of you and Tracy and we hope you guys can find a way to come through this.

You're a good man, Chris, I know you deserve to be a father and this is not fair; not fair at all.

Please, please pass my blessings and well wishes on to Tracy.

All the best, my friend

Rob

[chrisd]

Hi all

I have been a bit distant from here lately.  I am not really in a good place at the moment and really dont know how to put what we are going through into words.

Its a case of anger, upset, sorrow and disbelief all rolled into one.

Really pleased for you Rob that everything is going well.

Hopefully I will be able to put a constructive post together soon and share my feelings but at the moment its hard enough trying to keep my wonderful partner from falling apart.  I am worried that if I put it all down on paper then the floodgates will open and I wont be able to close them.

Chris

[robbyb]

Whenever you're ready, Chris.
We're here to talk if you want to.

[chrisd]

Thanks Rob

I will be back on when things get back to some sort of normality.

We are just so run down at the minute, we are not sleeping or eating.  We just feel so numb.

I have just booked a fortnight away in Turkey for 3 weeks time so hopefully that will help to take our minds off things.

Chris

[chrisd]

Hi All

I hope everyone is well.

Well things have been getting back to normality a little since last time I posted.  Although it is getting more and more weird.

The last time we went to the clinic we were told that my lady had no activity for this month, well we didint know exactly what that meant and the nurse didn't really explain it too well.  This month thought has been a bit of a strange one.  We were under the impression that due to no activity that this month may be a normal one with a short period but as of yet Tracy has not started, she is currently on day 34, we are not getting thinking that she might be pregnant but worrying that this is start of an early menopause.

We were due to have a consultation today with our specialist but he has been called away on an emergency and our appointment has been postponed until 26th July.

Oh the joys of infertility eh?

We are now looking forward to 2 weeks in the sun, off to Turkey in 12 days woo hoo.

All the best to you all.

Chris

[chrisd]

Hi all

Nothing has changed much with me.

We had a really good holiday and it did us the world of good.

Hope everyone is well.

All the best.

Chris

[mensfe_admin]

Pleased to hear all went well

[robbyb]

Hey, Chris.

Good to have you back.

I had a peek at some of your photos on facebook last week; looked like you had a great time!

I'm glad it was good for you both, it's always good to get away from it all, isn't it?

All the best

Rob

[chrisd]

Hi Rob

Ha ha the photo's, I dont think there is a single one where I wasn't half drunk.  The joys of all inclusive.

We had a brilliant time and it was just what we needed, a break from everything and a good relaxing time.

Saw on your posts that you have had a holiday, hope you had a good time.

Hope everything is going well with the pregnacy, I bet you are both getting really excited.

We are going on holiday again in November to the Canaries. We are counting the days already.

We have another appointment on Monday to discuss egg donation.  We have received some promising news from our consultant, he says because we have only used one IUI we are going to be able to use the remaining NHS funding we had allocated on egg donation. I hope he dots the I's and crosses the T's before Mr Cameron and Mr Clegg start meddling ha ha.

All the best to you matey.

[chrisd]

Well its been a very good day today.

We have been told by our consultant that we can use our allocated NHS funding on the IVF part of egg donation.

THey have told us that usually we should get 6 embryo's and that we can freeze them for upto 10 years.

We are over the moon with this news as if all goes well we could get our very own little family from the one donation.

It has lifted such a weight from our minds and now we just have to wait to see when a suitable donor can be found.

I will keep you all updated.

Chris

[robbyb]

Ah, Chris!  God, what great news!
Six embryos would be great, wouldn't it?
I'll have a little drink to you guys tonight... a lucky drink.

Do you have any idea what the waiting list or "finding time" is for donor eggs?

It's so nice to hear a little good news coming from your direction.  The first in some while...

I don't know if this is any use to you or not... but when me and my wonderful wife were 1 small step away from donor sperm we found going to a couple of talks by a lady and a fella from the donor conception network to be of great help.  It was really reassuring and validating... and it normalised all of the thoughts that we were having, good and bad.  It also had great ideas regarding all stages of the journey from coming to terms with it right through to talking to children and family about it.

Keep up with the good news, Chris... I'm waiting eagerly for more!

All the best,
Rob
(Glug glug glug)

[robbyb]

P.S.  It sounds like the concerns regarding early menopause came to nothing.  Is that right?