This is me

[chrisd]

Come on guys listen to Rob and myself, it really does make a difference if you let out your emotions.  You are not alone and having a forum like this has really helped me and Rob to feel better about all of the emotional turmoil that we going through.

You will not be judged as we are all going through similar things whether it be a low sperm count, poor egg quality, non ovulation or any of the many other reasons for not conceiving.

The women have their sites and communicate with eachother a million times better than we do but give it a try, why not?  It is anonymous and you never know it may just help you to put things in perspective and realise that their are other men out their going through the exact same thing as yourself.

Come on join the ride, its one hell of a rollercoaster.

Chris

[chrisd]

Another baby born today.  One of my best mates has just had a baby boy.  Yippeee.

When is it going to be our time??

Chris

[chrisd]

What do they say about news coming in three's?

Tracy has just turned up at work to find out that one of her colleagues has just given birth. 

2 in less than a week, I worry about how she will cope especially as we are due to starting our next round of IVF in about a week.

What or who next?

Chris

[chrisd]

They say news comes in 3's.

My cousin has just given birth to a baby girl.

My brothers is due soon.

I dont want to come across as bitter because I'm not, I am genuinely pleased for them all but I do feel jealous.

We should be starting our 2nd IVF cycle next week so hopefully our time will be coming.

All the best.
Chris

[chrisd]

Well tomorrow it starts all over again. Off to Jessops for my good lady to have her scans and blood then the anxious wait till 2pm to see if we can start our next cycle of IVF. We are both feeling very nervous as it is our final attempt. If this doesn't work then its all down to egg donation. We are really hoping for the best. I'm really worried about how my lady will be if this doesn't work. I hope and pray for a good outcome. So please everyone keep your fingers crossed. All the best and good wishes to all of you who are going through treatment either now or in the future.
A wishful and hopeful
Chris

[mensfe_admin]

THE VERY VERY BEST TO YOU BOTH

[chrisd]

Hi all.
It wasn't good news I'm afraid. We have found out that my good lady has 3 ovarian cysts and we cannot start treatment until they clear up. We are down hearted to say the least. We are now stuck in limbo, they could clear in a month or a year. The only options for treatment are surgery but that could cause side effects or the pill which for obvious reasons is not an option. So its a waiting game for us now, we'll just have to keep having scans each month and hope for the best. I will post more as I'm using my mobile at the moment as I haven't been able to get on the site for ages and needed to take this chance to update. All the best gent's.
Chris

[chrisd]

Hopefully we can start off again this month which should be sometime next week.

We are hoping the cysts will have cleared up as quickly as they came and we can make progress.

It has been an emotional month with one thing or another.

I will post more soon, glad to see mensfe up and running again, I was beginning to feel a little lost without it.

Chris

[mensfe_admin]

Yes - it has been a bit of a trial - however hope the glitz has been fixed.

Best regards - to all

[chrisd]

Well we have just got back from the clinic again.

Its a non starter again this month.

The scans revealed that 2 of my beloved cysts had gone but now we have a new problem, it seems that 2 follicles are at an advanced stage of development and she is only on day 2.  The nurses couldn't explain it, we were only told that it could be a hormonal imbalance and that we will have to try again next month.

I would pull my hair out in frustration if I had any.

I am really worried about my Mrs as this attempt was supposed to be our last and if this didn't work we would be going down the egg donation route, but now we are in Limbo, going one month to the next hoping we can start then finding out each month there is another problem.

I really feel like lashing out and for the first time during this long hard journey I am beginning to feel sorry for us.

I became an uncle again yesterday for the 3rd time but I really cant cope with meeting her, all I feel lately is jealousy and anger and a gut wrenching pain everytime I see a baby.

I dont like feeling this way but I cant help it.  All we want is closure but we are being denied even that.  We want to move on but we cant.

I am at an all time low now and I just need some hope and a bit of light at the end of the tunnel.  This is nearly 4 years of pain and heartbrake now and I have had enough.

I am just so pleased that our relationship is so strong as we really need eachother to lean on. 

Chris

[chrisd]

I am sorry about the last post.

I dont want people to think I am wallowing in self pity as I am not, just finding it hard lately with one thing or another.

I am staying positive and know it will happen.

Rob I am over the moon with your news, miracles really do happen and I wish each and everyone of you out there all the best of luck.  We know what you went through and to hear one of us is expecting twins after such a long journey should fill us all with hope.

A little more chilled out.
Chris

[robbyb]

Oh Chris, it sounds like everything is going wrong for you.

I know it doesn't help much to point out that it's worked for me (so far) and normally I wouldn't.  But our situations have been so similar.

If you look back at my last post on my thread, further up on the very same page I am essentially saying that I've given up.  I had given up, I wanted donor sperm.

Now my wonderful wife is pregnant and of course I'm delighted but back then I was simply beaten.

My point is not : Oooo, miracles do happen, because I understand that when all of your well meaning mates say "chin up, we know you'll get there." what you think is "how the hell do you know!?!  We don't know and we know a whole damn lot more than you!".  It's the fear of the unknown isn't it?

We've always said to each other that if someone could say to us:  It will take two more years and four more cycles of IVF but then you will have your baby... that would make everything 100x more tolerable.  But for as long as all you know is that it might work and it might not work then the whole of life is just wobbly.

I think what I'm trying to say is: ... you won't feel like this forever Chris, you just won't! 
You and Tracy will get throught this, you will be happy again and you will be together and as strong as ever.  I think I can be confident in saying all of that, even if no-one can knowingly say you will have a baby.

And anyway, what the f**k is wrong with wallowing in self pity, Chris?!  Hell, who wouldn't? I did!


With my wife pregnant next to me I appreciate that it's very easy for me to confidently say how brave I was and would have been if I'd had to sacrifice the prospect my own baby.  And I quite readily admit that this isn't how life is turning out for me, so I can't say exactly what I would have thought... but...

I was so happy to find out my wife was pregnant with twins on Monday and it was two days before I realised that they were my twins.  What I'm getting at is that I would have been delighted if I'd seen those twins heart-beats whether they were mine or not.  My wife is pregnant and we're having a baby and that is what counts...

I know it's easy for me to say and I know that everyone is different, and Tracy may very well feel differently to me, but if you get Tracy pregnant and it's donor sperm, donor egg, ICSI, IUI or anything... I know you a bit, Chris, and you will be a good, proud and happy Dad, whatever you end up with.

You will be happy again.

[chrisd]

Cheers Rob.

Don't get me wrong I am a happy person in a happy relationship, I just had a bad morning the other day and it sent me a bit moody.

Thanks for your kind words though as I really do appreciate it.  I am still very optimistic and hopeful and know everything will work out for the best.

Chris

[chrisd]

Hi All

Well I am back to being my positive self again after a while of self pity and sorry.

A friend of my other half has just had some brilliant news, she is pregnant after 7 IVF attempts, it is things like this that keep me going plus the news that Rob and his wife are expecting twins and Ben and his wife are now half way through their pregnancy.

PMA is the key I believe and it will prevail.

My brother has just given me a DVD called the secret and that is all about having a "Positive Mental Attitude".  At first glance it seems like a bunch of weird Americans (no offence meant to our trans Atlantic Cousins) but after giving it a chance and having an open mind it really does you make you wonder what the power of the mind can achieve.

I just hope it doens't turn me into a hippy dippy tree hugger.

I have just put in my holiday requests for the year and now I can look forward to 2 weeks in the sun in June.  " months and counting.


All the best everyone.

Chris

[mensfe_admin]

Anything that works Chriss has to be good