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Print Page - No problem

The Mens Fertility Forum - Mensfe

Discussion Groups => Womens reactions to male infertility => Topic started by: bdudley



Title: No problem
Post by: bdudley
Hello,
We discovered that I was azoospermic after being married 6 years and trying for two. Adoptions not really an option but sperm donation is. My wife does not seem to have too much of a problem with this at all. I can see that we could end up with a baby but I am struggling to be excited, to say the least. Frankly as soon as I was diagnosed everyone seemed to just move on but I am a bit stuck on 'surely something ought to be possible?'. I am also a bit hurt, to say the least, at how quickly my wife accepted the idea of sperm donation. Help?


Title: Re: No problem
Post by: chris.Kahn
Hi Dudley
Your tittle "No problem" say's so much in contrast to your understanable dry for help. The diagnosis obviously came as a huge shock and as you say the only option is sperm donation. My experience of this is going into a state of "LOSS" and this took some time to work through and come to terms with. It was like going into a grieving process (by my self- in my corner). It really makes a person as you sound very alone and isolated, and yet for every one else I don't now about you but I just put a brave face on. Blaming myself for not giving my wife what she wanted - what we both wanted.
Like you I felt stuck in guilt, anger, frustration just so confused!! especially when my partner just seemed to want to get on to the one and only treatment option we had left "donated sperm". The questions that came up for me I did not know how to think them through let alone discuss them.
What happened then was the clinic sugested we have some counselling support to help "I think they meant me" get our heads around it.
I did not want to go and felt it a waste of time talking with a complete stranger but do you know to my surprise it helped.
It was a guy and for the first time in "well a long time" I was understood someone really understood exactly what I was going through, this helped me I don't no how it just did.
When we got home we talked and instead of the brave face we talked of not just the next step but how we both felt especially me - we ended up crying our eyes out together. From there things seemed to change for me, no longer alone, not as scared, more in control. The journey is not over its on going the difference is its "now together".
Hope this helps a bit -

GOOD LUCK       


Title: Re: No problem
Post by: mensfe_admin
Hi Dudley
You ask if there is anything which can be done when diagnosed azoospermic, sadly not. This diagnosis means there is no sperm in the ejaculate or the testes. One would have usually had a biopsy (TESA) to verify this.
The only road one can go down is donor sperm.
Help to come to terms with this should be offered by the clinic who has been treating you - as one member has said counselling may be helpful.
We have on this site an indepth explanation on male infertility which explains the term  "Diagnosis" treatments, causes and other imformation which my be helpful.
Have a look at our information on "donor sperm" it may help.

Regards - Pip 


Title: Re: No problem
Post by: tony2
Maybe something is possible.

About 5 years ago I was diagnosed as azoospermic but I didn't want to believe it, even though I had undescended (partially) testes from birth.  It felt really bad that someone was telling me there was nothing to try; just a dead-end preventing me and my wife from trying for our own children.  As I listened to the Doctor tell me the test result I was so struck with disbelief I couldn't think to ask proper questions. 

GPs aren't specialists.  I went to a urologist who told me there was a 5% chance of having a baby, now my wife and I have a daughter with ICSI IVF after enough sperm were harvested from me through a biopsy to create several embryos.

Since there was a chance for me maybe there is for you too, I hope so.   



Title: Re: No problem
Post by: ptravis
Good for you Tony - thrilled it helped however azoospermia is a complete absence of sperm after all medical investigations including a biopsy have been done. Sadly in this case donor sperm is the only option as many men/couples experience and hopefully come to terms with.

Brilliant to have a happy ending though............


Title: Re: No problem
Post by: mensfe_admin
Please also see the summary on this site on this topic.


Title: Re: No problem
Post by: mensfe_admin
Mensfe - test


Title: Re: No problem
Post by: robbyb
Did it work?


Title: Re: No problem
Post by: chrisd
I hope it did work for you this must have been a very traumatic time for you but if you read Robbyb's topic you will see that miracles do happen.