The Mens Fertility Forum - Mensfe

Hi everyone, I am new to this so you will have to bare with me.  Starting a family I thought would be the most natural thing to do, it is after all what makes the world go round.  I have always wanted to be a Dad and think I would make a good job of it too.  Finding the woman of your dreams though isn't so easy but when I eventually did I thought all my Christmas's had come at once.  I met and fell in love with my perfect woman.  Everything in life was perfect, we both knew what we wanted in life and that was eachother.  We had talked about children from an early stage in our relationship but obviously wanted to have our time before the patter of tiny feet came along.  Then after a year or so of talking about it we decided to take the plunge and try and make a little baby, as I said earlier I thought it was the most natural thing in the world to do.

So we started trying fully expecting that within a year we would have the perfect little family and a beautiful little bundle of joy. It started getting to the time that after a month would our hopes and dreams be realised, unfortunately no. It was only the first month so we will keep on trying, that was nearly 3 years ago and no baby yet. After a year we decided that we should think about getting ourselves checked out, I went to have my little men checked and my partner went for blood tests and a scan.  After a wait of 2 weeks I went back for my results, I remember sitting in the waiting room scared to the bones at what my doctor was about to tell me, I went in the consultation room and the news was good, they were a little slow but my doctor told me I should be able to make a baby.  Great I thought.  My partner had her results and again nothing unusual there. 

After a bit more time of trying we went back and were referred to the fertility clinic for more tests.  Another count, more intrusive scans for my partner but again nothing wrong with us. So were left with the result of unexplained fertility.  We are now at the stage of starting IVF, it has been a tough few months, the stress of getting mentally prepared for IVF while all around you friends and family are getting pregnant coupled with the new healthier regime to get our bodies ready for the procedure. We were due to start our first cycle of IVF this morning, at last we are here and ready to go and fingers crossed we will get a beautiful baby and the wait will be worthwhile. But fate can be cruel sometimes, my partner had her blood tests and her scan but her FSH level is too high to start.  Another month to wait.  This is the most natural thing in the world though isn't it?

Well, good luck to you and your partner, from me and my wife.

We've been going through this whole cycle for a lot less time than you have, Chris, so I can only imagine how edgy and nervous you must feel at this point.  We're nearing the end of this cycle and, although it hasn't been pleasant, I think my wife would agree that the drugs, needles and various medical processes are not as bad as the imagination may conjure up.  So good luck, stay strong together and let us know how you get on.

I think the stress this puts on partnerships is massive.  But you don't half need each other, hey?
Fingers crossed for you, mate.

Well things have changed since I last logged on.  My partner has been having acupuncture and it seems to have worked a bit for her.  For the past few years her cycles have varied between 21-26 days and since acupuncture she went a full 28 days which is brilliant, she also did not suffer from PMT which between me and you was divine.  It did get our hopes up though and a few thoughts of maybe just maybe did occur but alas it wasn't to be the case. 

We attended the Jessops unit in Sheffield on the 3rd day of her cycle to see if her FSH had dropped below 13.5 and had scans which showed that her ovaries were looking good and the follicles were clearly on show.  Her FSH had dropped to 13.2, not brilliant we know but at least it had gone down.  We were given the go ahead to start on a short protocol using puregon and suprecur.  The dosages are quite high puregon is 250ml and suprecur 50ml. 

We are currently on our 4th day of injections which I am administering to my good lady, was daunting to begin with (feels strange injecting your Mrs) but I am getting the hang of it now.  So far she has had no side effects to the drugs but it is still early days.  She has actually been in the best mood for a long time.  I think this is due to the fact that we might hopefully, all fingers crossed with a rabbits foot in my pocket, horseshoe around my neck and a four leaved clover sticking out of my ear get a positive result.

We are back at Jessops on Monday morning to have more scans and bloods.  Then we should know when egg collection is going to be. 

I wish all of you who are going through IVF the very best of luck.  It has been the biggest rollercoaster of my life and I wouldn't wish this on anyone but as long as we have love for our soulmates and keep a positive outlook on things then life can throw at us what it wishes, it is then that we will be worthy of a life that we know we deserve.

Thanks for this Chriss - your message gives me great strength - My wife and I have been in the system............... for some time 3 IUI and 2 IVF all to no avail. We are starting a third one in July - 3 rd time lucky.
All the best to all who helps with this website - let you know how things progress - Eric

Hi Eric.  It's good to see people using this site, it surprises me that so many people read the posts but hardly anyone says anything. 

Well me and my good lady attended the clinic today to see how things were going with the injections and it was bad news, the scan only showed one ovary with only one follicle.  The other ovary was there but only small.  Also Tracy bled during the scan which was the second time as she bled yesterday after intercourse too.  The nurse said it was probably due to the hormones.

We were told that it looked as though IVF would be cancelled as there were insufficient follicles to continue but we had to wait for the blood results to make sure.  We called the clinic at 2 this afternoon and were told that yes IVF was being cancelled but we were going to have IUI instead.  I have to be at the clinic at 9.30 on Wednesday to do my part then Tracy will be in at 11.30. 

We are really downhearted about IVF being stopped but at least we still have hope with the IUI.

This rollercoaster just doesn't seem to want to slow down. 

Hi guys just a quickie today.

We went for IUI today and I had to give my sample before my good lady was inseminated.  Now I have been off the booze and caffeine for the last 3 months in preparation for the treatment and it seems to have worked.  I produced 19 million fit and healthy little swimmers which my Mrs has now gladly received.  This was such a surprise as I had previously been told that I had a lot of sperm but only 20% motility so to be told by the nurse that I had produced 4 times the average of a very good quality is fantastic, I just hope they now manage to find their way to utopia.

We are now on a 2 week wait until we go back to the clinic for a pregnancy test.

Message to all you guys, it really does work if you cut out the bad things from your diet, no alcohol, no caffeine = lots of good quality sperm.

Good luck everyone.

The two week wait is a KILLER!

Wishing you (and is it Tracy?) the very very very best of luck.

Hey Chris.
How did it go?

I hope you got the result you were after.

Hi everyone.

Sorry I've been away for so long, we had some really unexpected news and it has hit both my good lady and I really hard.

Well where do I start??????  The 2 week wait was just that a long and tiresome wait and unfortunately it was bad news, it hadn't worked, gutted!!!!!!!!!

We were told by the nurse on the helpline to take a bit of time to ourselves and then call back to arrange a follow up appointment.

The follow up appointment was 2 weeks ago, we saw Prof Leger at the Jessops Unit and he told us that the reason it hadn't worked was because my fiancee had poor egg quality, he told us that she had the egg quality of a woman aged 45 (she is 38).  We were really upset by this especially Tracy as you could imagine.  He also told us that there is a good chance that she may start the menoupause early.  What do you say to that???????  I couldn't believe what we were being told.  Tracy was in tears, I was dumbstruck.

"You have 2 choices to make" we were told "Have another go at IVF although there is only a 1-2% of it working, or egg donation".

Thanks Prof, keep kicking me in the teeth.

I asked though if it could still happen naturally and the reply was "yes, nature works in mysterious ways"

We decided to have another go, mainly so that if it doesn't work we can call time on this episode and concentrate on egg donation.

We have now been placed on the egg donation waiting list.  I want this if its the only option for us to have the child we so want but it brings up so many issues.  I love my Mrs so much and I know what having a child of her owns means to her, i just hope that if htis is what we eventually end up doing that she copes with it, I know the child will be mine and she will carry it and give birth to it but genetically it will be someone elses. 

I could keep going for ages as I have so much to say but I feel I need to stop for a moment.  Why is it that having a child is the most naturel thing in the world to do but when you really wwant it, it just seems out of fingers reach.

At the moment it is so hard to stay focussed on everyday life, Tracy is a mess, she is so angry and upset and all I want to do is protect her and give her what she wants, Im sure things will get easier but I dont know what to do for the best sometimes, I try and stay positive and upbeat but really all I want to do is shout and lash out but I know that wont do me any good.

Anyway I'll stop rattling on for now and maybe come back when I'm thinking a bit clearer.

So, So sorry things haven't worked out for you both as everyone was hoping for, and not to mention how you were given the very bad news by the doctors, who appeared tactless and unfeeling.
What a sh....... place to be.

Regards walking a fine line with your missis, her emotions, anger and the like, keep going. If she is anything like mine she will come through especially with all the help and support you are giving her, even if it does'nt seem like it at the time.

Good luck for the next hurdle .....

Life can be cruel.

Had some really bad news this week.  My little brother has been a silly boy and gone and had a one night stand and got the girl pregnant.

3 years of trying and he has a drunken fumble and Bobs your uncle.

What next? may I ask.  I'm actually scared to think.

Hi Everyone

It doesn't get any easier does it?

We have just found out today that my partners half sister has just given birth to a baby girl.  I really worry about Tracy, she says she is fine about it all but I can tell that it is hurting her inside.  On one hand I know that she is happy to become an Aunt but is really jealous as you can imagine.  I'm just glad that her sister lives over 100 miles away because we couldn't do with all the fuss of a cooing crowd.

I feel really bad feeling this way and I know that Tracy does too but its just so hard to be all happy and joyful.

We have been going to counseling lately and we are finding it a great help as it is making us realise that what we are feeling lately isn't wrong or out of the ordinary.

Any how I have to go and get ready for a wedding now. 

Well done for going to councilling, Chris.  I've been going with my wife for the last six months.

There's an assumption that if you 'need' councilling then you're a wimp or a wuss or just a bad coper, isn't there?  But it's not like that at all; at least not in my experience.  Our councillor has been brilliant (although she yawns all the time!) even if her entire job is just getting us to talk, be honest and open up.

As for for realising that your feelings aren't out of the ordinary... if you're angry, sad, bitter, tearful, jealous, fed-up, short tempered, frustrated, *****d off, argumentative, unproductive and sodding grumpy...   Then is just shows that you're a functional and normal human being, being stretched to breakling point by the hardest of hard situations.

Never feel bad for feeling bad.  Don't you dare.   ;) ;)

I just came back from a wedding last night.  One of my best friends got married and the other spent most of the day fussing his pregnant wife.  After we'd driven three hours to Manchester we had to leave after two and half  for the three hour drive back... we were expecting a call from our clinic this morning early, so had to be home and in bed promptly!  So even a situation I could genuinely feel glad for was branded by the misery of infertility.

It just seems like joy, joy, joy everywhere you look, doesn't it?  Marriages, births, pregnancies... and all you seem to have in your life is gloom, upset and pain.  This Friday we had to actually ask my parents not to talk to us about my own brother's wedding because it just hurts so much to hear them talking like everything in the world's just peachy.

And it can seem like infertility is a curse that affects more than just your future plans.  It's taken my pride, my diginity, my privacy, my time, my self-esteem, my money and changed my goals and life's plan.  It's caused my parents to judge me, my wife to have doubts about me and it's caused me to doubt myself.

It can seems to rob you of everything important... but STAY POSITIVE... there is always genuine and appropriate hope.  That's why we're all here: to communicate and share experiences and through doing so remaining hopeful. 

I hope Tracy really is ok... the girls undoubtably go through more than us in this process and they seem to suffer all of the same anguishes more keenly than we do for more of the time.  At least, that's what I've observed.

I do hope that there will be some good news around the corner for you

Thank you for yor kind words Rob.  It is very reassuring to know that people actually understand what you are going through and offer their support.

I know our fertility problems are quite different but I think the emotions that you feel are exactly the same whatever the situation.

We feel as though we are living in our worst nightmare at the moment and all we see at the end is more darkness, its a really good job that Tracy and I are still as madly in love as when we first got together because if we weren't it would have been even more difficult.

Since we had our treatment (started as IVF but made into IUI due to lack of response in the ovaries) it seems as though someone upstairs has been saying "right then what misery can I heap upon Tracy and Chris this week".  I know that sounds paranoid but thats how it feels.  After the failed IUI we decided that we needed a break from all the visits to the hospital and the constant thoughts about getting pregnant, so we decided that we wouldn't have anymore treatment until the new year.  We were going to get back to having a "normal" relationship and de stress from everything, we have got our holidays booked and we are going to sun ourselves for 2 weeks. 

BUT not so.  A week or so after we found out that my silly brother had gone and got his ex girlfriend pregnant after a drunken 1 nighter.  We then found out that my cousin was expecting her 3rd child (she only has to think of a baby and she gets pregnant, the lucky sod) then Tracy's sister has a baby and now to top it all off my pregnant sister in law thinks that we have fallen out with her because we haven't been seeing that much of them.  I dont think she realises just what we are trying to get our heads around, and the last thing that Tracy wants is to sit there listening to her moan about being fat, having swollen ankles and hot flushes especially when Tracy would give her left arm to be suffering from those things.  Now dont get me wrong I get on well with my sister in law but there is a bit of an age difference and she can be a little immature at times and seems to think that the world revolves around her.  She doesn't understand that we have been distancing ourselves from everyone not just her and my brother (not the one who had a 1 nighter, I have 2 brothers, both younger).

Tracy just cannot cope with everything lately and I really worry for her because she is constantly pent up and annoyed, before she wouldn't say boo to a goose but now she is losing her temper at the slightest thing (usually me though and my "typical man" habits.   She keeps saying she just wishes she could run away for a few months, I wish I could too but like most people I dont think our bosses would be too impressed.  Only last night she was wound up over my sister in law and sand by me saying dont let her get to you, you are bigger than that all of a sudden she turned on me, accusing me of being on her side.  I'm not I just deal with my anger in a different way, I'm the sort of person who even if they have a massive problem with someone will not say anything directly because I dont want the aggro of an argument, anything for a peacefull time.

I'm really sorry I know I have just been having a self indulgant rant but this is the only place that I can get it off my chest.  I really cant talk to my friends of family about how we are feeling because as much as they try they have no idea what is the right or wrong thing to say and if I hear "if you stop thinking about it then it will happen" one more time then I think I will scream.

Rob you really seem to get it all and your words really touch a cord, thank you.  I just hope that one day we will be both on here telling everyone about our long struggles and how we are the happy fathers of beautiful babies.  Good luck with everthing and I hope the councelling carries on helping you out.  I know it has helped us, but I'm quite a private person (you may laugh as I am telling you all my thoughts and life story on here but it is anonymous) and I worry about what I might let out because the floodgates opened last time.

Anyway good luck to all you men who are reading this, I just wish that more of you would share your experiences with us.  It really does help. I noticed that over 350 people have read this post but as yet only Rob and Eric have posted something.  I know it can be hard to open up when it is something to private but after all we might be blokes but we still have the same thoughts and fears that the ladies do, we just deal with them in different ways.

Anyway thanks for reading my rant.

Good luck and wishes to you all.

Well some good news for once.

It is 3 months since our failed IVF/IUI treatment and my better half has at last started to get back to normal.

She was averaging a cycle of 15 days since the treatment which we were told could happen because of the large doses of drugs she had to endure but this month she is at 23 days and not even having any symptons.

I am not naive enough to be getting hopeful but so pleased that at last she is getting back to a normal cycle as I know this has been such a strain on her emotionally and physically.  She actually feels so good that she has gone back to the gym for the first time in months.

I am so proud of her as I know how distraught she has been about being so frequent, I think she would have broke down if it had been another short month.

She has been seeing an acupuncturist for a while now and a couple of months ago started to see a helbalist. 

I have noticed a big difference in her general well being and I'm so happy she is feeling the benefits of it all.  I just hope now that the ancient chinese methods can help us as well as good old western medicine.  After 3 years we are open to anything and we have a good feeling about this.

Well done Chriss - you also deserve some praise for your support pulling your good lady through - good luck.

Hi Chris,

Thanks for your kind words regarding what meagre support I can offer.  I just get the impression that you and I are going through largely the same processes at the moment and probably the most awful year of our lives.  As I've said on my own thread before, my own pain and vulnerability has made me a lot less closed off to other peoples problems and a lot more prone to empathising with them.  So when I say I care about how you and Tracy are doing I mean it.

You (and Ben as well) are the only men I have communicated with who are going through this too and I figure that makes us a team.  Because we are different to women and we need our own team!

Yes, actually I do do stupid stuff like bottle up my emotions and I do occasionally lie about how I'm feeling so that my wonderful wife has someone to lean on and I won't ever lose my temper with her just because I'm feeling low... We need our own, seperate team because we don't gain the same support in the same places they can.

Different brains and different processes.

So to be here and to talk to you guys... guys who not only get the whole infertility agony but who also understand what it's like to have the pressures of 'being the man' at the same time... well, it's invaluable.  (If the girls heard me saying that there are 'pressures on men', they'd laugh!)

Honestly, this is the Rob, Chris, Ben and Eric show right now!

I haven't replied in ages Chris, but I have been keeping up with you as I do check the posts every day or so, so in the same sentence I'm going to have to say: "I'm sorry to hear that Tracy has been finding things so unbearable" and "I'm so glad to hear that Tracy is feeling better"!  Chris, my wife has been pushed close to cracking in the last week as well so I really understand the impotent agony (Ha!  No pun intended!) of just watching it happen and knowing there isn't any way for you to fix it.  Sometimes there's a little bit of guilt in there, too, isn't there?

But, having said that, I'll bet you a million billion quid, that just by listening to her and loving her it was you who was foremost in helping her through her darkest days so far.  And, yes, I'm sure it hurt so much that at times she took it out on you (as if you aren't in enough pain already, am I right?) but the fact that you just took it and neither judged nor abused her for it demonstrates your dedication and love for her.  And if Tracy is anything like my wife she will have recognised all of that on some level, even if it isn't the sort of thing that couples find it easy to discuss, and she will be grateful and proud of you for it.

Keep it up Chris, it sounds like you're fulfilling your 'man' role brilliantly.  Just don't forget that you've got to look after yourself too.

Thanks Rob.  It really is a help knowing that you are all out there and yes I feel like we are a team too.  It is so good to get it all out and know that you are not being judged or feel like you are boring other people.  Infertility is a lonely place and it is so relieving to know that the support is there.

Well it is a very strange time at the moment and I must admit I feel very NERVOUS, but a good nervous.  I said earlier since the failed treatment my other half has been averaging a 15 day cycle, even before the treatment she was about 24 days, in the years we have been together never has she gone past 26 days but today she is at day 29. 

Please, please, please let it be.  I am not allowing myself to get carried away but a little voice in my head is saying maybe, just maybe.

My beautiful lady is really getting excited, I am trying to keep her grounded but she says that she has never ever been to 28 days let alone 29.

If we get our wish it will be an unbelievable miracle we were told that we had about a 2% chance of naturel conception.  If we are still waiting tomorrow then we are going to do a test.

Am I wrong to be excited, will it be a massive fall if we are wrong? Probably.

But after 3 years we have to hope. 

Please everyone keep your fingers crossed.

I'll keep you informed.

31 days, still a no show.  I feel quite nervy and excited.

Please, please, please.

I've really got my fingers crossed for you, Chris.
Damn!  It's hard to type!

Its over this month  >:(

At least my beloved got to 32 days.  Hopefully something is happening inside her that will be good for the future, she has never reached 32 days before so the fact that her cycle has lengthened is keeping us optimistic.

We hope now that those pesky little FSH's have gone down.

All ways trying to look on the brightside.

Chris

I'm sorry to hear that Chris.
Better luck next time, eh?

I hope Tracy is ok.

Abracadabra!

Thread... ~REAPPEAR~!!!

SHAZAM!!!





PS.  I've sent you a message.

Cheers Rob.

You must have that Derren Brown thing going on.

Thanks for your help.

Any ideas for a 4th anniversary present anyone?

We said we wouldn't get gifts this year and just put a lump in the egg donation savings fund but I cant resist getting the Mrs something.

Not perfume cos she has enough of that.

Chris

I gave my wife a voucher for an hours worth of free tickles.

She just read this and musingly said:  "Hmmm... it was a good present, that."

So, there you go.

I should have tried that Rob, ended up buying her a bracelet and a scarf, she played hell with me though because she didn't me anything.

I just couldn't resist I like buying her things.

Just had some more news, my cousin had a baby last night, really pleased for him as he is like a brother to me.

There are a few more due in the next few weeks.  My sister in law thought she was going to be having hers early, its due in 3 weeks but I think she has had Braxton Hicks (not sure about the spelling).

We are off down to Reading at the weekend to meet my partners neice.

Babies everywhere at the moment, roll on November when we are holiday, we so need it.

Chris

Woo Hoo

Holiday booked and Tenerife here we come, 3 weeks tomorrow.  Hopefully the sun, the sand and the other will relax us.

Hope everyone is well.

CHris

The sea?

;D ;D ;D
Have a great time.

YEs Rob thats the other ha ha.

We have booked our next appointment to see the specialist.  We are having one last go at IVF, we go in December with the plan being to have the treatment in February.  We decided it would be good for my other half to have a break form the treatment as the last round really effected her.  We also wanted to give the acupuncture and herbs a chance of working.

This is going to be our last chance at IVF, Prof Ledger has told us that there really is only a very small chance of it working and that this really is an oportunity for us to put the IVF process to bed.  My beloved has poor egg quality and even though there is a chance it is only about 5% compared to the average of 25% success rate.

Our only real option after tis is egg donation, we understand that this would give us a better chance but it's not really an option I want to try.

It kind of feels like a kick in the teeth that both myself and my partner waited until until we found the right person to start thinking about a family.  We only wish that we had found each other a few years earlier or that I would have actually asked her out on a date when we first met instead of biding my time.  We met about 6 years ago but I didn't think I ever stood a chance so never asked her out, it wasn't until a friend of mine started playing Cilla 2 years later that we actually got together.  Turned out though that she had been waiting for me to ask her from the first day we met.  Typical eh?

You see this is where the problem lies, there is a 7 year age gap between us, I'm 31 and she is 38.  I know rthat egg donation may be our only chance but I want our child to be OURS, half me and half her.  Is that so much to ask?

I worry about how egg donation will actually effect her because she is already a mother but without a child (does that make sense?)

But for now we will just have to hope that nature is on our side or that the IVF works.  At least we have a fortnight in the sun to look forward to to maybe chill us out and give us a new sense of fun.

Thanks for listening to me moan.

Chris

Hi Chris, I might understand what you mean when you say "she is already a mother but without a child" and if I'm right then I can understand all the more why this process causes you no end of grief.

You have to do the right thing for you both, of course, but it pains me to hear of anyone thinking of giving up.  Egg donation may not be right for you ... but maybe it's just not right, right now.

How did you feel about things when it was sperm-donation, not egg-donation, on the cards?  Would you have gone for that?

If there's one thing that has driven us nuts in the last year or two (apart from the obvious of course: grief, doubt, anger etc) it's the absolute inability to make plans or even make decisions; not even hypothetical ones!  You can't look ahead and say "if this happens, we will do this" because the honest truth is you won't know how you feel until you get there.  And thoughts and attitudes change with time.

Take your time, mate, and cross each bridge as you come to it.

Hi Rob

I am not saying that I am against egg donation, I just hope and pray that we don't have to use this option, I am a very optimistic person and believe that we will get pregnant.  Throughout my life I have always dreamed of the things that I wanted and I am lucky enough to say that all of them except for the obvious one have come true.  I have had to wait for a lot of them but they came and I am sure this will be the same.

Some good news again, the Mrs has had another long month and she are currently on day 27, it seems the acupuncture and herbs seem to work. 

How have you been Rob?  Hope you have been well and the best to your better half too.  Hope the family have been a bit more supportive and the studying is going well.

Chris

Hello again to everyone.

Well we've just come back from a brilliant holiday about 2 weeks ago to this god awful weather that we are having here.

The break seems to have done us all the world of good, we have been trying to switch off from all the fertility problems and have decided that we are going to approach it with the "whatever will be, will be" attitude.  The reason we have decided this is because of the holiday.  We were away from everthing for 2 weeks and in a sense we realised why we got together in the first place and that was because we fell for eachother not because we wanted kids with eachother.

We feel so much better thinking this way now and you never know if we try and live a "normal" life doing and talking about normal things then that must be good for our own sanity.  Three years in the fertility bubble is long enough and I feel that I was about to burst if I didn't try and put things in perspective.

At the end of the day we are both 30 somethings in the prime of our lives with good jobs, a nice house and a reasonable amount of money to play about with so why not enjoy ourselves?  Do the things that we want to do, buy the things that we want to buy.  Realise that at the end of the day we are 2 healthy, happy people who are madly in love with eachother. 

We both want kids but if we carry on the way we have been then who knows what that could do to not only our relationship but also our sanity and self esteem.

2 weeks away has been a blessing for us both and I recommend it to you all.

Hope yeveryone is well.  Rob, Ben hope things are picking up for you both.

All the best to you all.

Hi Chris,

Hey, I'm really glad to hear that a little time away with your beautiful wife has helped you to some sort of understanding and peace of mind.

It's really important that you look after your own sanity and, most importantly, your relationship.  Although it's good to hear someone use the words "self esteem".  How easily this side of things is over-looked.
Well done Chris and Tracy; three years is a long time.

Are you saying you're stepping off the fertility wagon?  Cancelling your prescription?  Quitting the gang?

See, I don't know if I could achieved what you guys have managed.  My wonderful wife and I chose each becaiuse of a love for each other but also because of a shared dream and life goal.  Kids.

Who knows... maybe in the future we're going to have to reach a point where we try and find peace with each other, like you have.  But we're not there yet.

You and Tracy should be proud of how far you've come, the hardships you've overcome whilst not letting them beat you and now proud of being at peace.

Well done guys.

Hi Rob

No we are not stepping off the ladder, we are just not going to let it be who we are.  We want to get back to a "normal" life, we are still going ahead with the IVF treatment and if that isn't successful then egg donation but we are not going to allow it to rule our life.

I am a very optimistic person and I do believe that one day we will have children but we have decided that we are not going to forget to LIVE until this eventually happens.  The past 3 years has been constant poking, prodding and consultations and inbetween all this constant thinking and worrying about fertility.

We just need to switch off and become Chris and Tracy again.  We both feel so much more positive this way.

I realised something as well while we were away and it just happened whilst sitting in a bar.  I just looked at Tracy and realised how much I really love her, I asked myself "could I ever imagine my life without her" and I couldn't.  Then I asked myself what means more children or Tracy and without any hesitation it was Tracy.  I have the woman of my dreams who I intend spending the rest of my life with and if this means children and a family then brillaint, bring it on, if not then I will always have Tracy.

People can spend their entire life looking for that person who everything just clicks with, who makes them feel special and never do.  Others just settle.  I am one of the lucky ones, I have found my other half.

Chris

Hi all I - we, have been following your posts and by the looks of things (the hits) so have many others - we may not have your courage or ability to communicate but we share your plight. You have helped us tremendously by just being able to equate with your lives. The last number of weeks our heart has gone out to you (all), and as we have also gone through similar experiences.
Your realisation of the Love you share with your wife coupled with wish to have your child brought tears to our eyes.

We were unsuccesful with IVF so went on to Egg donation which was a real hard decition for us but the % of success changed from under 5% to over 50%, and like you, through our love, we so wanted our child. Well we are some what down this road now, but so much to understand.

Well......... you guys ... again thanks and really hope everything works out for you and all those who just come onto the site to get that sence that they are not alone............

Good luck           

Hi Chris... I really respect the new attitude/outlook.  Well done, I think it's a really big step.
I don't think I can manage that right now.  :(

Just wanted to say: check you messages when you've got a moment.

Cheers.

Hi Eric

I am really pleased that you find comfort in our posts.  I know it is not the male way to express youor feelings but I have to admit that it really does help.

I am the sort of person who really bottles up his emotions in the real world but when I am on here I try to be honest to myself about the way I feel and it really makes a difference.

If I held in all my thoughts, worries and fears about our journey then I seriously believe that the men in white coats would be turning up to cart me off to the funny farm.

It is totally anonymous here, nobody knows you, nobody judges you but everybody listens.  I feel that Rob, Ben and myself have been a great help to eachother and we welcome more people to join us.  We will be there for you all too.

Lets drop the facade of being "men" and open up, we have feelings too and bottling them up doesn't help.

We all have our partners to talk to but outside of the relationship does anybody really know what you are going through?  We do!  We are all going through the same thing day in and day out.

Lets be there for eachother.

Chris

...well said Porthos ;-)

It needed to be said Ben.

We cant be the only 3 men in the UK going through this.  I know how it has helped me getting everything off my chest.

Just wish a few more could.

Chris

So its a New Year and lets see what it has install for us all.

I would like to wish everyone on Mensfe a very Happy New Year and all the best for the coming 12 months.

Lets hope for good news and happy times.

Chris

Just to keep you all informed that the next stage of IVF starts in March and this is our last go.

I am hoping that all the accupuncture and herbs that Tracy has been enduring will be worthwhile and give us better results than the last attempt.

If this doesn't work then we have decided to go for egg donation, it has taken us a long time to feel totally comfortabe with this decision but we feel that our need for a child outways the genetics.  I know Rob you are going through this choice and it is difficult.

We have been trying now for 3 and a half years and I can honestly say that I dont know how much more of this I can take.  I believe in the bigger picture but so much hurt and dissapointment is getting me and Tracy down.  We are going to be parents one day by whatever means, I have to stay optimistic otherwise I will sink into a deep dark depression that would be no good for anyone.

Rob I feel your pain and feel like we have become to know and understand eachother over the months, if there is anything you want to talk about away from this group then email me.

Good luck to all with your journeys and I wish you well.

Its count down to D-day, 6 weeks until our next attempt at IVF.  This is our last try then we are having to change our treatment and go for egg donation.

Its not the route we would prefer but it may be our only chance.  We want a child more than anything and after many hours of discussion and soul searching have decided to have a try.  We would prefer this to adoption because at least the child would be 100% genetically mine and my amazing other half would have carried and nutured the child.

We have our fingers crossed that either the IVF works or a miracle happens and we conceive naturelly but have finally come to terms with this decision.

I as ever am being the eternal optimist and willing that we get some good news.  I have had a strange feeling that this is going to be our year.  We need it after so much dissapointment and pain.

With all the new born babies that have come into our lives or due to come we dont want to be left behind, we dont want to be the couple that people are arwkward around and we dont want to be the couple that are being constantly asked to be God Parents.

So now it is back to being good, I have cut out the caffeine, stocked up on multi vitamins and bought a new mattress.

All the best
Chris 

We are preparing for our next cycle, the docs are putting my lady on a much stronger dose of drugs this time as last time she only had 1 folicle (I am not looking forward to that).  This is our last attempt and as our consultant said it is more just for us to put our IVF dreams to bed.  They are not holding out too much hope that it will work. But for some strange reason I have a really good feeling about this year.  I genuinely believe that this will be our year.

This may sound weird and quite stupid but when I was a kid I had an idea of what would be happening in my life and at what ages I would be when I reached certain milestones (some people say I am a little psychic).  So far all of my predictions have come true to the exact year and I haven't purposely tried to make these things happen they just have.  The biggest one to date was the age at which I would settle down, I predicted 27 and by eck I was right, that was after spending years single with no hope of meeting the "one" but then all of a sudden I met my beautiful other half and it was like a bolt of lightening I was hooked.  I always predicted that I would be 32 when I had my first child and in May I turn 32.  Now you might be reading this thinking this sounds like the ramblings of a desperate and slightly strange man and you may be right but I have to cling onto any hope I have.

We now have to wait for this cycle to end with the hope that maybe we might get pregnant naturelly then its onto our last attempt.  Our last attempt then egg donation, it has taken us a long time to reach the decision that this is the right thing to do but like you Rob we have that overwhelming desire to be parents and we are willing to sacrifice a small area of pregnancy to make the greater part of it a reality.

All the best to all you men out here, please join us and lets go through this together.

We know that there are plenty of people using this site by the number of hits that our posts have but it seems lately that it is the Chris and Rob show.  We have both been of great help to eachother and we can be to you all too.

Chris

Chris, I couldn't agree with you more; it's just you and me .  I'm going to petition to have the name of the site changed to robsfe.net (I won't mind if you want to start an opposition proposal for chrissfe.net)!

As for this being "your year", well I'll raise my alcohol-free drink to that!  Who cares if it sounds mad to be a little psychic?!  
The way I get through some of my darker times is to invite my best friend around and write our comic!  It's not exactly mature but it works for me.  

If you feel that this is the right year for you well, darn it, I think it is too.  It surely is Meant To Be.

I don't know if I could have got through this so well without you Chris, you've been a great support and I've not felt like the only man in the world who's like this, thanks to you.

Chris is right everyone.  We can all help each other.  You don't have to communicate in quite the same way or in the same depth that we do but, take it from me, it IS better to communicate than not.  I've never had a cause that I have felt passionately about but I feel like I will ALWAYS want to offer what support I can to infertile men and women and to those going through IVF.

If you want to get it out then this is as good place as any.  You won't find disinterest, judgement or mockery.  Come one and all; make this website yourfe.net.

Take care Chris, me and my wonderful wife send our best wishes and our most helpful, positive thoughts.

Rob

Come on guys listen to Rob and myself, it really does make a difference if you let out your emotions.  You are not alone and having a forum like this has really helped me and Rob to feel better about all of the emotional turmoil that we going through.

You will not be judged as we are all going through similar things whether it be a low sperm count, poor egg quality, non ovulation or any of the many other reasons for not conceiving.

The women have their sites and communicate with eachother a million times better than we do but give it a try, why not?  It is anonymous and you never know it may just help you to put things in perspective and realise that their are other men out their going through the exact same thing as yourself.

Come on join the ride, its one hell of a rollercoaster.

Chris

Another baby born today.  One of my best mates has just had a baby boy.  Yippeee.

When is it going to be our time??????????????????????????

Chris

What do they say about news coming in three's?

Tracy has just turned up at work to find out that one of her colleagues has just given birth. 

2 in less than a week, I worry about how she will cope especially as we are due to starting our next round of IVF in about a week.

What or who next?

Chris

They say news comes in 3's.

My cousin has just given birth to a baby girl.

My brothers is due soon.

I dont want to come across as bitter because I'm not, I am genuinely pleased for them all but I do feel jealous.

We should be starting our 2nd IVF cycle next week so hopefully our time will be coming.

All the best.
Chris

Well tomorrow it starts all over again. Off to Jessops for my good lady to have her scans and blood then the anxious wait till 2pm to see if we can start our next cycle of IVF. We are both feeling very nervous as it is our final attempt. If this doesn't work then its all down to egg donation. We are really hoping for the best. I'm really worried about how my lady will be if this doesn't work. I hope and pray for a good outcome. So please everyone keep your fingers crossed. All the best and good wishes to all of you who are going through treatment either now or in the future.
A wishful and hopeful
Chris

THE VERY VERY BEST TO YOU BOTH

Hi all.
It wasn't good news I'm afraid. We have found out that my good lady has 3 ovarian cysts and we cannot start treatment until they clear up. We are down hearted to say the least. We are now stuck in limbo, they could clear in a month or a year. The only options for treatment are surgery but that could cause side effects or the pill which for obvious reasons is not an option. So its a waiting game for us now, we'll just have to keep having scans each month and hope for the best. I will post more as I'm using my mobile at the moment as I haven't been able to get on the site for ages and needed to take this chance to update. All the best gent's.
Chris

Hopefully we can start off again this month which should be sometime next week.

We are hoping the cysts will have cleared up as quickly as they came and we can make progress.

It has been an emotional month with one thing or another.

I will post more soon, glad to see mensfe up and running again, I was beginning to feel a little lost without it.

Chris

Yes - it has been a bit of a trial - however hope the glitz has been fixed.

Best regards - to all

Well we have just got back from the clinic again.

Its a non starter again this month.

The scans revealed that 2 of my beloved cysts had gone but now we have a new problem, it seems that 2 follicles are at an advanced stage of development and she is only on day 2.  The nurses couldn't explain it, we were only told that it could be a hormonal imbalance and that we will have to try again next month.

I would pull my hair out in frustration if I had any.

I am really worried about my Mrs as this attempt was supposed to be our last and if this didn't work we would be going down the egg donation route, but now we are in Limbo, going one month to the next hoping we can start then finding out each month there is another problem.

I really feel like lashing out and for the first time during this long hard journey I am beginning to feel sorry for us.

I became an uncle again yesterday for the 3rd time but I really cant cope with meeting her, all I feel lately is jealousy and anger and a gut wrenching pain everytime I see a baby.

I dont like feeling this way but I cant help it.  All we want is closure but we are being denied even that.  We want to move on but we cant.

I am at an all time low now and I just need some hope and a bit of light at the end of the tunnel.  This is nearly 4 years of pain and heartbrake now and I have had enough. :'(

I am just so pleased that our relationship is so strong as we really need eachother to lean on. 

Chris

I am sorry about the last post.

I dont want people to think I am wallowing in self pity as I am not, just finding it hard lately with one thing or another.

I am staying positive and know it will happen.

Rob I am over the moon with your news, miracles really do happen and I wish each and everyone of you out there all the best of luck.  We know what you went through and to hear one of us is expecting twins after such a long journey should fill us all with hope.

A little more chilled out.
Chris

Oh Chris, it sounds like everything is going wrong for you.

I know it doesn't help much to point out that it's worked for me (so far) and normally I wouldn't.  But our situations have been so similar.

If you look back at my last post on my thread, further up on the very same page I am essentially saying that I've given up.  I had given up, I wanted donor sperm.

Now my wonderful wife is pregnant and of course I'm delighted but back then I was simply beaten.

My point is not : Oooo, miracles do happen, because I understand that when all of your well meaning mates say "chin up, we know you'll get there." what you think is "how the hell do you know!?!  We don't know and we know a whole damn lot more than you!".  It's the fear of the unknown isn't it?

We've always said to each other that if someone could say to us:  It will take two more years and four more cycles of IVF but then you will have your baby... that would make everything 100x more tolerable.  But for as long as all you know is that it might work and it might not work then the whole of life is just wobbly.

I think what I'm trying to say is: ... you won't feel like this forever Chris, you just won't! 
You and Tracy will get throught this, you will be happy again and you will be together and as strong as ever.  I think I can be confident in saying all of that, even if no-one can knowingly say you will have a baby.

And anyway, what the f**k is wrong with wallowing in self pity, Chris?!  Hell, who wouldn't? I did!


With my wife pregnant next to me I appreciate that it's very easy for me to confidently say how brave I was and would have been if I'd had to sacrifice the prospect my own baby.  And I quite readily admit that this isn't how life is turning out for me, so I can't say exactly what I would have thought... but...

I was so happy to find out my wife was pregnant with twins on Monday and it was two days before I realised that they were my twins.  What I'm getting at is that I would have been delighted if I'd seen those twins heart-beats whether they were mine or not.  My wife is pregnant and we're having a baby and that is what counts...

I know it's easy for me to say and I know that everyone is different, and Tracy may very well feel differently to me, but if you get Tracy pregnant and it's donor sperm, donor egg, ICSI, IUI or anything... I know you a bit, Chris, and you will be a good, proud and happy Dad, whatever you end up with.

You will be happy again.

Cheers Rob.

Don't get me wrong I am a happy person in a happy relationship, I just had a bad morning the other day and it sent me a bit moody.

Thanks for your kind words though as I really do appreciate it.  I am still very optimistic and hopeful and know everything will work out for the best.

Chris

Hi All

Well I am back to being my positive self again after a while of self pity and sorry.

A friend of my other half has just had some brilliant news, she is pregnant after 7 IVF attempts, it is things like this that keep me going plus the news that Rob and his wife are expecting twins and Ben and his wife are now half way through their pregnancy.

PMA is the key I believe and it will prevail.

My brother has just given me a DVD called the secret and that is all about having a "Positive Mental Attitude".  At first glance it seems like a bunch of weird Americans (no offence meant to our trans Atlantic Cousins) but after giving it a chance and having an open mind it really does you make you wonder what the power of the mind can achieve.

I just hope it doens't turn me into a hippy dippy tree hugger.

I have just put in my holiday requests for the year and now I can look forward to 2 weeks in the sun in June.  " months and counting.


All the best everyone.

Chris

Anything that works Chriss has to be good  :)

Well its back to the clinic again tomorrow.

More tests, just hope we get some better news this time.

Hope everyone is doing well and enjoying the sunshine.

Chris

Hi Chris,

Sorry to have been so absent.

Things have been a little complicated at this end, and the little spare time I've had has been spent sleeping as often as possible!

I really hope that the news from the clinic will be positive today and that the doughty positive mental attitude has what it takes to power you two through the day towards good news.

I too believe that the power of the mind is an awsome thing.  I work in a health profession where we are taught in University that all ailments and pathologies are physical in nature... cause and effect.  The longer I work in the environment an dcan make up my own mind, the more I realise that to treat the body without treating the mind is pointless.  I even think sometimes that we'd get better results exclusively treating emotional and mental upset than if we exclusively treated physical harm/ilness!

So, good luck, my positive mental attitude is riding alongside of yours today.

Take care, tree-hugger,

Rob

Were to start.

It has just possibly been the hardest few days of my life.  It was not good news at all. After nearly 4 years of having to deal with the possibiliy of infertility it is now upon us.

We went to the clinic on Thursday for the monthly bloods and scans and were told that its not going to happen.  The scans showed no activity in Tracy's ovaries.  Nothing, nada, nowt. No egg this month and  nothing for next month. 

We now have to come to terms with the fact that we are not going to be parents, not now, not next month and possibly not ever.

As you all know I am a positive person but every inch of positivity has been drained from my body, I am now at my lowest ebb, lower than I have ever been.  All I have ever wanted has been taken away from me and we have been left with this overwhelming feeling of sorrow, sadness and anger.

We are now in the position of greaving for the the loss of the child we will never have.  I feel like a part of me has died.

We now have to wait for a further month to speak to our consultant to see if we will have any chance of having a baby through egg donation.  Fingers crossed that we will be able to but I am not holding my breath, the way I feel now I just cant see it, I cant be positive when all I am doing is wallowing in self pity and loathing.

I will post more as we come to terms with things but my emotions are all over the place and I dont want to post something that I will regret.

I hope you all understand, I am sure you will as you are probably feeling the same emothions as me and my wonderful partner.

All the best to you all out there, I hope you all get the good news that you are waiting for as have Rob and Ben, I hope you never have to feel the pain that I am going through at this time.

Chris

Chris,

I don't know what to say and I think that's because there is nothing to say.

It sounds like it must have been the worst week imaginable and I'm so, so sorry to hear how final it must sound to you.

We're both really thinking of you and Tracy and we hope you guys can find a way to come through this.

You're a good man, Chris, I know you deserve to be a father and this is not fair; not fair at all.

Please, please pass my blessings and well wishes on to Tracy.

All the best, my friend

Rob

Hi all

I have been a bit distant from here lately.  I am not really in a good place at the moment and really dont know how to put what we are going through into words.

Its a case of anger, upset, sorrow and disbelief all rolled into one.

Really pleased for you Rob that everything is going well.

Hopefully I will be able to put a constructive post together soon and share my feelings but at the moment its hard enough trying to keep my wonderful partner from falling apart.  I am worried that if I put it all down on paper then the floodgates will open and I wont be able to close them.

Chris

Whenever you're ready, Chris.
We're here to talk if you want to.

Thanks Rob

I will be back on when things get back to some sort of normality.

We are just so run down at the minute, we are not sleeping or eating.  We just feel so numb.

I have just booked a fortnight away in Turkey for 3 weeks time so hopefully that will help to take our minds off things.

Chris

Hi All

I hope everyone is well.

Well things have been getting back to normality a little since last time I posted.  Although it is getting more and more weird.

The last time we went to the clinic we were told that my lady had no activity for this month, well we didint know exactly what that meant and the nurse didn't really explain it too well.  This month thought has been a bit of a strange one.  We were under the impression that due to no activity that this month may be a normal one with a short period but as of yet Tracy has not started, she is currently on day 34, we are not getting thinking that she might be pregnant but worrying that this is start of an early menopause.

We were due to have a consultation today with our specialist but he has been called away on an emergency and our appointment has been postponed until 26th July.

Oh the joys of infertility eh?

We are now looking forward to 2 weeks in the sun, off to Turkey in 12 days woo hoo.

All the best to you all.

Chris

Hi all

Nothing has changed much with me.

We had a really good holiday and it did us the world of good.

Hope everyone is well.

All the best.

Chris

Pleased to hear all went well

Hey, Chris.

Good to have you back.

I had a peek at some of your photos on facebook last week; looked like you had a great time!

I'm glad it was good for you both, it's always good to get away from it all, isn't it?

All the best

Rob

Hi Rob

Ha ha the photo's, I dont think there is a single one where I wasn't half drunk.  The joys of all inclusive.

We had a brilliant time and it was just what we needed, a break from everything and a good relaxing time.

Saw on your posts that you have had a holiday, hope you had a good time.

Hope everything is going well with the pregnacy, I bet you are both getting really excited.

We are going on holiday again in November to the Canaries. We are counting the days already.

We have another appointment on Monday to discuss egg donation.  We have received some promising news from our consultant, he says because we have only used one IUI we are going to be able to use the remaining NHS funding we had allocated on egg donation. I hope he dots the I's and crosses the T's before Mr Cameron and Mr Clegg start meddling ha ha.

All the best to you matey.

Well its been a very good day today.

We have been told by our consultant that we can use our allocated NHS funding on the IVF part of egg donation.

THey have told us that usually we should get 6 embryo's and that we can freeze them for upto 10 years.

We are over the moon with this news as if all goes well we could get our very own little family from the one donation.

It has lifted such a weight from our minds and now we just have to wait to see when a suitable donor can be found.

I will keep you all updated.

Chris

Ah, Chris!  God, what great news!
Six embryos would be great, wouldn't it?
I'll have a little drink to you guys tonight... a lucky drink.

Do you have any idea what the waiting list or "finding time" is for donor eggs?

It's so nice to hear a little good news coming from your direction.  The first in some while...

I don't know if this is any use to you or not... but when me and my wonderful wife were 1 small step away from donor sperm we found going to a couple of talks by a lady and a fella from the donor conception network to be of great help.  It was really reassuring and validating... and it normalised all of the thoughts that we were having, good and bad.  It also had great ideas regarding all stages of the journey from coming to terms with it right through to talking to children and family about it.

Keep up with the good news, Chris... I'm waiting eagerly for more!

All the best,
Rob
(Glug glug glug)

P.S.  It sounds like the concerns regarding early menopause came to nothing.  Is that right?

Hi Rob thanks for the message.

With regards to the early menopause we still think that it is just over the horizon but as the Mrs is still having regular periods then egg donation shouldnt be a problem, even if the menopause did hit fast then it still wouldnt be a problem it would just mean extra drugs.

The waiting list is about a year and we have been on the list for exactly a year, we should receive a letter in the next week or 2 giving us an idea of exactly when a donor will be available but because the Mrs is Dark hair, pale skin and of average height it wont be too hard to match her up with someone suitable.  I am just glad that she isnt a 6 foot, blonde haired japenese woman as we might be waiting for eternity ha ha.

We have attended lots of conferences regarding egg donation and all things to do with fertility as we get to know in advance when they are as T works for the NHS.

We are feeling really positive about this whole procedure now as the problem we have in conceiving is being taken away i.e. the egg we still hope and pray that some miracle will happen and it will all occur naturally but at least we have this now to keep us occupied.

When we went to see the consultant we asked if there was anything we could do to help us achieve a better chance, the reply we were given was "have lots of sex" now the old headache is no excuse as it is Dr's orders ha ha.


Anyway best be off now.

Chris

Off to see the counsellor in a while, hope its not too intense as I have a really bad back, not had any sleep and th last thing I need right now is to be getting deep and personal.

Oh hey, its all for the good though.

Chris

Hi Chriss - sorry to hear about the back - as you are aware I say very little but always listening -Trust the counselling goes well today.
Comment:
"The counsellor should be there for you" and I would imagine it is all about the things/issues you have already turned over in your minds and spoke about a hundred times regards treatment options/issues/emotions.
If it is implications counselling with regards to egg donation it's specific aim is to assist you both with a deeper understanding, clarity and self empowerment.
It is designed for you to have any unanswered questioned answered - it is your life, your journey, your future which you have both worked very hard to acheive - today is another step in stone to - maximising your chances, working towards your goal.

It is the counsellors aim to be there for you - Good luck in acheiving your goal - "your much wanted baby".  
 

Thanks

It was quite a good session actually, I just woke up in a bit of a grump this morning.

We had quite a few questions answered and it helps us with our understanding of the process.

We found out about the sibling register which I found a little daunting, I understand the need for the child to understand about the process but I find this a little hard to digest, it seems as though we are told that the child will be ours but when it reaches 18 it is possible for it to go out and find any half siblings that it may have. This I find a little difficult to get my head around.

I understand that the child needs to be clear on the whole process and but what next? A grandparents register, a Auntie and Uncle register.  It is difficult enough for my partner to come to terms with the fact that she is not going to be able to produce an egg that can be used herself, then have to come to terms withegg donation but to find out now that the child can trace any siblings further adds to the fact that this child is not hers genetically.

I am sure we will talk about it in more detail and realise that it is all to do with our journey.

Chris

Well its off to the clinic today to meet with the egg donation co-ordinator.

Hopefully she should be able to give us some kind of idea about how long we will be waiting for a suitable donor.

I'll keep you all informed as to how it goes.

It seems awfully lonely on this site at the moment.

Chris

Hi Chriss - yes itis quite - we are promoting the site through the fertility show in November which always boosts the activity - so hopefully...
But Chriss although alone at the moment - thankyou for supporting so many.

Hope all goes well with the egg donation if you need any clarity to the process and programmes available let us know - we have a huge amount of experience in this area.

Good luck

Sends guilt... :
I've been really absent, Chris, I'm so sorry.
Just got my BT Broadband finally set up and, believe it or not, this was the first site I checked to see if it was working.
I,m on my knees in my attic at the moment, with boxes and wires and useless instruction booklets all around me.  I'll be around soon, I promise.
I know it's lonely, and I have been rubbish at keeping up to date ... but I am here and will post more soon.

All th ebest mate,

Rob

Hi Chris,
How did it go with the donor coordinator?
Are you going to have a long wait?
Rob

Hi all.

Rob it went good with the co-ordinator, it could be anytime between now and a years time, so we just have to hang fire.

Sorry I havent been on for so long but things have been a bit tough lately, I think we both may be suffering with depression and it is starting to affect out relationship, Tracy blames herself for this but how can it be her fault, its no-ones fault.

There have been so many children born into my family over the last year and its really taking its toll, 1 nephew, 2 neices, 2 cousins and a partrige in a pear tree.  We cannot develop proper relationships with them and it is really upsetting us both, we get so emotional and jealous.  We have just had a big family wedding last weekend and it was child city, so needless to say there were lots of emotions.

Tracy thinks that my family blame her for not being able to give me a child, excuse the language but thats bollocks, I really believe that they just dont know what to say to us and with that they may come across as uncaring or unsympathetic but I dont think they can empathise as much as I think we need them too (hope that makes sense).

The world is a cruel place sometimes and I dont know what I can do to stop my wonderful partner from blaming herself and being so upset all the time.  I am sure we can work this out and come out the other end stronger but its hard times at the moment, I will just try to be strong for her and let her know how much I love her.


Chris

Well its been a funny few weeks in the Chris household.

We have been told that there have been quite a few donors coming into our clinic recently that match our profile so we have been told it could be anytime in the new year.

Tracy was also diagnosed with something which I am not going to go into detail about as she would kill me but it is a dormant problem that can go unnoticed if not tested for, it was only a fluke that it was found out as our consultant just wanted to explore some more things, the thing is tho that she has succesfully completed treatment and after doing some research we have found out that it can have an impact on getting pregnant. So you never know that could have been a factor in all this.  We are lucky though as its not usually tested for so we are lucky it was found, its not serious but at least is been found.

Also we are now happy Godparents to the beautiful little Arwen who is my cousins baby, she is a lovely little thing and we are so excited about being asked to be her Godparents, we are both smitten with her.

It good news to hear about both Rob and Bens success stories and it gives me hope for the future as I hope it does the many of other people who use this site.

Sorry about my mood swings lately everyone but for all you guys out there in a similar situation I hope you can understand the feelings of self pity and anger.


But its nearly Christmas and time for my inner child to appear and at the time of reaing I am looking out onto a snowy picture in Sheffield and may just build a snowbaby tomorrow ha ha.

Seasons greetings everyone and good wishes and hope to you all.

Chris

Happy New Year to everyone at mensfe and all you readers, I hope it is a good year for you all.

Chris

Is there anyone out there?????????????????

Its so quiet on here, Im beginning to feel like I am talking to myself.

Chris

Hi Chris, my friend.
It does seem very dead on here, doesn't it?
I hope you're doing ok. I'm glad we managed to link up a little on Facebook but I know I've left you very quiet on here.  Sorry about that mate.
I'm still here to talk too though, and don't forget that I still feel passionately regarding the topics of IVF and infertility and those people who are mired in it.  So, if you want to talk, rant or just let of steam I will still be here.
I may be back on the roller coaster sometime, anyway, because my wonderful wife is already wanting to try for a boy! We'll see.

Take it easy, Chris. I hope Tracy is well.
Rob.
P.S. Any news on a donor? I know it's very soon but i thought I'd ask.

Hi All

Cheers Rob, your a pal. I understand you not being on here much you must have been rushed off your feet with the twins, I see your posts on facebook and the pictures of your girls, they are beautiful by the way, must take their looks from their Mum eh, ha ha, only joking.

Well I have just had the most nerve wracking yet wonderful phonecall, WE HAVE A DONOR woooooooooooo hooooooooooooo.  But the scary part is that it all starts on Tuesday, it is Saturday now. I cant believe it 3 days. I thought we would get more notice but at least it doesnt give us much time to think about it. The donor is a perfect match to my lady so it is full steam ahead. I think I might have to call Anne tomorrow (she is the donor co-ordinator) to ask her some more questions as the phone call is a blank now and lots of questions are coming to mind.

We are so flipping excited.

I know it has been quiet on here posts wise but I know that people are looking in and I just hope that I can bring you some good news, I will be posting regularly to keep you updated, please keep your fingers crossed for me.


A very excited and nervous Chris

We are with you - good luck

So the situation is this.

We are having egg share with a woman who is going through IVF, tomorrow I will have to give my sample then later in the morning eggs are extracted and divided, fingers crossed their is enough to share. Then my swimmers are placed with the eggs and fingers crossed they fertilize. Then it is a case of waiting for Tracy to reach the correct stage in her cycle which will be about 3 weeks then the embryo's are defrosted, fingers crossed the thaw goes ok then implanted into Tracy and then the dreaded 2 week wait starts.

I am so nervous that I couldnt even sleep last night, I just hope that the next few days goes to plan.

Chris

Right then, that is my part done.

We have to wait a few hours for a call to tell us if there is enough eggs for us now. If there are then hopefully by tomorrow morning we will know if they have fertilized.

Please keep your fingers crossed for me mensfe'ers.

Chris

Wooooo hooooooooo.

We have 7 eggs and my sample was good so now it is up to nature, please let them fertilize, we find out tomorrow morning.

Step 1 achieved now the other million steps to go until we have a baby.

BTW

Has anyone heard the story about the mother who was a surrogate for her daughter? Really heart warming stuff. It made me feel all emotional.

Good news my friends.

All 7 eggs have fertilized, we are over the moon.  The embryologists will now keep an eye on them over the next 24 hours to make sure they are still dividing and then call us tomorrow to let us know how many have kept up the good work and are ready to be frozen.

We are over the moon but understand this is only the beginning.

Please keep your fingers crossed for us and also I send out my best wishes and prayers to everyone else who is going through this.

I also hope that the kind couple who donated their eggs to us have received the same news this morning.

Chris

Wow. Oh wow, oh wow, oh wow...
It's so great that it's happened so quickly, out of the blue, like that.
And 100% fertilisation! Let's hope that's a good omen!

I can only sympathise for the horrors of all the waiting that comes now.  I remember thinking that i wouldn't mind going to sleep and waking up a week or two later, when it was all over and done with and the questions were all answered.
And meanwhile, you've got to carry on with irrelevant, stupid things like work.  Everything takes a different perspective, doesn't it? Nothing is as important or interesting as what is going on in those petri dishes.
Good luck, Chris!
Rob

This wait is killing me, I am sat at my desk at work waiting for the phone to ring, I am shaking and didnt sleep a wink last night, all I could think about was those petre dishes and how the little embryo's were doing.

I am hoping the embryologist calls the same time today as she did yesterday so it could be anytime in the next 30 mins.

Please, please, please a thousand times over let them have carried on dividing.

Chris

Just had the call and it is good news.

5 embryo's have divided and are ready to be frozen. The embryologist didnt go into much detail but told me that the 5 were of good quality and the other 2 hadnt made the grade, I am so happy for the 5 that are on their way but I feel a little gutted for the other 2.

But 5 embryo's is more than we could ever have hoped for so now we just have to wait for my better half to reach the correct stage in her cycle, we are expecting to have to go to the clinic on about day 3 for tests which should be about a week away then transfer should take place around ovulation.

We are so excited and pray for a positive outcome.

A very happy and excited Chris

I also hope that the donor has had good news too.

Thank you so much for your kind selfless act, your generousity means so much to us.

We had to go to the ACU today for bloods and scans on the Mrs and all was good, we have to go back mext Monday which will be day 9 to check when she will be ovulating.

All systems go now so the fun begins.

Chris

Fingers crossed.

Right then chappies latest news update.

Went to the ACU today for scans and bloods and it is all systems go, they found a 19mm follicle so we can go ahead this month with a natural cycle.

I have the enjoyable task of stabbing a needle into the Mrs tonight (a Task I actually enjoy, mooo haaa haaa). Then it is waiting till Thursday when they will be thawing the little embryo and transferring it into her. Then its the dreaded 2 weeks wait.

All signs so far have ben spot on and we are happy with the way things have progressed without getting to over excited, although the Mrs and her Mum did go into Mothercare the other day which I wasn't too happy about ( I am very supersticious).

I have had a word with the boss today and have been able to take Thursday and Friday off work so that gives us a nice long weekend together.

So its all systems go and getting ready for the ups and downs of everything that is going to be coming our way.

Chris

Fingers crossed. Enjoy the long weekend!

Hi All

Well its been a funny old day today.

We were due into the ACU at 13.30 but by 9.30 two of our embryos had died and we were waiting for news on the third, luckily the little thing survived and was ready for transfer.

We went to the clinic and had the tranfer all went well apart from a little discomfort for the Mrs and we are now on the dreaded 2 week wait.

We got a picture of the little blighter, finger crossed now that the next time we see it is at a scan and that it is nice and healthy.

Will let you know more when as it happens.

A hopeful Chris

Keeping my fingers crossed for you Chris!

Good luck, Chris.
I hated the dreaded 2ww. We had a couple of scares in the middle of some of our waits, primarily because we were jumping at shadows. I hope the wait for the two of you is entirely uneventful.

So, what, you find out around the 17th?

Good luck, buddy,
Rob

Hi Rob

So far so good, T has been feeling good and all seems to be ok.

Because the embryo was 2 days old when it was transferred we will find out on 15th, I dont have any leave left but T has been signed off for 2 weeks so I need to speak to my boss today and see about taking some unpaid leave, if its good then we will want to celebrate together and if bad then we want to be there for each other. So far work has been brilliant with us so hope that stays the same.

1 week to go.

Chris

Thanks Art fingers are crossed.

How's it going, Chris?

Hi Rob

Things are going well thanks pal apart from me rupturing a muscle in my stomach and floating high on Co-Codermol.

Tracy has been in good spirits and I am feeling optimistic too (but not overly).

We find out on Tuesday so fingers crossed but so far apart from occasional heartburn Tracy has been feeling well.

Hope you, your wife and the twins are doing well.

Chris

Well, I've got my fingers crampingly crossed as well.
I really hope this is the time for you and Tracy.

Sounds positive Chris. Fingers still crossed for you here.

Hi all

The 2 week wait is over and we have now found out that after all the hope and wonder and excitement we now now the result.

It was a big fat negative.   G U T T E D!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had so much hope and optisism for this but now I dont now how to feel.

4 yrears and still no cigar.

I wish I could put into words how I feel like I know Rob can but on her I am not that articulate, speak to me in person and I am like Nelson Mandela but typing not so much.

We are both devestated but I still hope that the future holds happier times.

But for now I have a bottle called Vodka with my name on it so I intend to drown my sorrys and Tracy's too.

Chris

Really sorry to hear that Chris.

Thoughts are with you both, and hopes for happier times to come.

Oh, Chris. I am so sorry to hear that.
It's just undeniably, categorically and unfairly sh1t.
My thoughts are with you and Tracy.

I truly hope you get there next time.

Take care, and go easy on the vodka.

Rob

Sorry I have not been on here much but we have been trying to sort out a plan of action as welll as getting over the disapointment of everything but I will update you all on what the next step is soon.

Chris

Hi all

Sorry I have been away for so long but we have been doing a lot of soul searching and thinking and I havent really been in the right place to be posting.

I just wanted to let you know that we have a consultation tomorrow with the clinic, the plan is that we are hoping to have the 2 remaining embryo's that we have implanted on the Mrs's next cycle which should be about 3 weeks.

We are putting all of our eggs into one basket now and have decided that we have to use both embryo's at once to give us the best possible chance as the last time we lost 2 embryo's in the thawing process. We just hope that both survive this and we can have them both together.  If it works amazing but if not then we have decided to go abroad.

We have decided that this year we are going to really go for it, if all fails then we really dont know as our finances couldnt strech to anymore.

We have just heard of someone in our situation who had given up treatment and all hope of a pregnancy only to fall pregnant naturally so we will never give up hope.

This last year has really put a strain on us phsyically, mentally, emotionally and personally but we remain strong for each other and I will always be the eternal optimist.

I will keep you informed when and if we have any news.

All the best mensfe'rs.

Chris

Hi Chris,

Just joined today and have to say reading your story really inspired me.  You're persistance has been amazing and I'm so sorry that things haven't worked out.

Best of luck and I hope June is a good month for anyone going for IVF.

Matt

Hope things go well this time Chris, and that one or both of the embryos take.

Some friends of ours have just confirmed that they're going for overseas treatment (albeit managed by a UK clinic) as they need a donated egg, and these are easier to get overseas in places like Spain. The key thing they've been told is that because donors are paid and anonymous even once any children reach adulthood, there are many egg donors in their late teens and early twenties, as opposed to a typical UK donor in their thirties and going through IVF themselves, which gives much better quality eggs.

Thanks Art.

We should be starting our next treatment within the week.  We are staying positive about it as always.

I will keep you all posted as things progress.

Chris

From all here Chriss Good luck with the forthcoming FET

Right then, its all steam ahead and back on the trail.

Off to the clinic on Monday for initial scans and looks like it will be about 10-12 days until transfer.

Strange one this though as I have to do nothing since we are using frozen embryo's my job is done.  Couple of drinks are called for tonight.

Chris

Good luck Chris. Must be odd having nothing to do yourself this time.

MWW is a week into the "down regulation" drugs, so we're a few weeks behind you.

Hi All

Art, luckily we are on a naturel cycle so no drugs needed for the better half except the final one that everyone has to take to induce.

Just got back from the clinic and all is looking good, we are back on Friday as they have to check when T is ovulating so they can match her cycle.

We have also signed the consent forms to have the final 2 embryo's transferred at once, we understand the risk of a multiple birth but we want as much of a chance as possible, also as we lost 2 embryo's during thawing last time we think doing this is the best option.

So its all steam ahead AGAIN.  This is our 4th treatment cycle, (a failed IVF, Failed IUI and a Failed egg donation transfer) we are praying for a good outcome.  Hopefully it is our time now.

Chris

Keeping fingers crossed for you Chris!

We went to the clinic on Saturday morning for bloods and scans and found out that transfer day is Wednesday.  I had to give the final injection to T on Saturday evening.

So now it is praying time that both the embryo's survive the thaw, we will get a call on Wednesday morning to tell us how the little ones are doing and what time we have to go up for transfer.

Chris

Hey Chris,

Hope all went well with the thawing process.  Best wishes to you

Matt

Hi All

Just a quickie to let you all know that both embryos survived the thaw and were really good quality, we are now on the 2ww so fingers crossed all goes well.

Chris

Great news Chris!  Is it going too far to get a load of rabbit feet and horsehoes and hang them all over the house?

Probably...

But best of luck to you both :)

Matt

Thanks Matt

We are trying to stay positive but my wonderful lady is suffering with a really bad back as of yesterday and did not sleep a wink last night, I am really worried about her as she thinks it might have a knock on effect with the treatment.

She is resting today in bed so hopefully she will feel a bit better when I get home, I hope so as she was in agony last night and this morning.

Chris

Hope she's feeling a bit better now. MWW's had a fever and aches which come from a virus that happens to have hit at the same time as our first cycle. Damn annoying timing and obviously she's worried about knock-on impacts too.

Will keep my fingers crossed for you.

Thanks Art.

She is still the same unfortunately but at least she is managing to get some sleep now.

I have found out this morning I am an Uncle again, this is my fifth official but unofficially my 9th.  I have 2 nephews and 3 neices but my cousins children are like like nephews and neices to me, there is also another official one due in 2 months and unofficial one in 3 months. Confusing I know but welcome to the world of Irish Catholic desendents.

I have mixed feelings at the moment as I am pleased my nephew is fit and healthy and I am an uncle again but very jealous that it isnt us who are having the joy of a new born baby, but hopefully that is only a short time away.

Chris 

Sorry to hear that Chris, I hope she is better very soon and that her fears are unfounded.  It must be very worrying though.

Let us know how she is doing :)

Matt

Hi all. Well I have something I want to share with you all, my wonderful, beautiful and amazing fiance is pregnant. We found out this afternoon and are both over the moon. As with Matt its early days and the HCG is 108, we are back for more tests next week but as you can guess we are totally buzzing with excitement. After 5 years we finally have the news we have been praying for. Now for the next 9 months. I'll keep you all posted. Chris

Fabulous news Chris! :)

Many congratulations to you and your wife.

Thanks Art. They do say good news comes in 3's so good luck to you both.

(I could have sworn I had your mobile number so I typed this all out on the stupid, poxy iphone keyboard, thinking that I could text you! No access to the Internet here, you see!  So, if its short or abrupt, thats why! I'll send you my mobile number via Facebook, please send me yours!)

Hi Chris. What can I say except... Oh my God,  I am so excruciatingly excited!

I cannot quite express how happy I was when I got your email. So much so that I read half if it, punched the air and hissed "yessssss" in the middle of the street. I then scampered off to tell TWW, we hugged in the middle of the town Info centre and she asked me what you'd said. Obviously, I'd been so keen to tell her that I hadn't got past '[the wonderful FIANCÉ (!!!)] is pregnant', so I had to read it again!

Now, here's another good part... We are having our first ever family holiday and we're in York! You live in Sheffield, don't you?
What do you think about maybe meeting up Saturday or Sunday for lunch somewhere half-way? Maybe Castleford?

It would be really good to finally meet the two of you, and under such exciting circumstances.
It's not a commitment and we'd completely understand if you agreed to it now but decided not to later, or on the day.

The sooner you can let me know yes/no the better for us. Again: congratulations, my fingers hurt from the force of the crossing.

I hope hope hope this works.

The very, very best of luck to you both, our thoughts are with you.

Rob.

Incredible news Chris! Many congrats to you both!

Must be something in the water in Sheffield at the moment (that's where we live too)

Best of luck for the rest of the pregnancy :)

Matt

Thanks Matt we are eagerly anticipating our next test on Monday, will be so much happier when that is over.

You do breathe a little easier as you feel it has all embedded a bit more. I hope you get a great result on Monday

Matt

Fingers crossed for Monday.

FROM ALL HERE TOO

Good luck Chris.

Hi everyone

Thanks for all your wishes.

Well we went to the clinic today for the second blood tests and after trying 21 times to get through to the results line we were given excellent news

................. The HCG result was 2147, the nurse was very happy with this result and said that the level was fantastic.  We will be on week 5 on Wednesday so we are over the moon with this result.  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

I must admit the last week has been very strange, it still hasnt sunk in properly, its beginning to now though.

We are back at the clinic on 21st for the first scan so now we can wait nervously till that.

Fingers crossed for you to Art, I hope you get a positive.

All the best

Chris

Great news again Chris! :)

That's great to hear Chris!

Well pleased for you!

Matt  :)

WELL DONE

Just thought I would drop a line to let you all know the progress.

Everything is going well and we have our scan on Thursday so we are hoping for more good news when we go to that.

My wonderful other half is doing everything she can to make a nice home for the embryo, eating plenty of nutritional food, getting lots of fruit and veg down her and taking lots of rest.

She is also displaying a few symptoms, she is starting to feel a bit dizzy occasionally and is getting extremely tired during the day, she is starting to feel a bit nauseas now and again but she hasnt acually been sick yet also things are growing but I wont say anything else as I think you can guess. The biggest thing is how emotional she is (in a good way) she is crying over silly little things on tv I think its funny and so does she but she just cant help herself although we did watch Marley and Me the other day and she even set me off weeping ha ha.  We know its still very early days as we are only at week 6 and know there is a long way to go. I keep saying to her that if this was a normal pregnancy i.e. it happened straight away without the need for treatment then we would not be over thinking things too much but after 5 years you do (if that makes any sense).

So roll on Thursday, we are really loooking forward to it, but also a little apprehensive.

All the best mensfe'ers

Chris

Hope the scan goes well.

We've already been through the pregnancy once with our first, but I'm sure this new one will be different again. It's another emotional rollercoaster, but with more feelings of nausea and clothes that don't fit any more. Doesn't stop it being great though! :)

I am trying not to get carried away with excitement, I will breath a sigh of relief when we pass the 12 week mark.

Got our scan tomorrow so fingers crossed all goes well.

Chris

Hi all

The scan went brilliantly yesterday, the baby is measuring perfectly for 6 weeks, the yolk is good and the nurse could see that it has imbedded well into the wall of the womb.  We also saw its heartbeat, it was the most amazing sight I have ever seen, I havent stopped smiling since.

The nurse didnt check the heart rate but I was trying to count and I couldnt keep up so I that is a good sign.

We have now been discharged and the next step today is to contact the doctor to arrange for the mid wife to come and visit.

Only 6 weeks to go before we can tell everyone, we are busting at the seams to tell people as only a select few are privvy at the mo (as well as all of you) but we are waiting until after the next milestone.

All the best
A very happy Chris

Wow! That must be great.

We're really looking forward to the first week in August when we have our scan.

Amazing Chris. It's just indescribable when that moment arrives.

Really pleased it's going well so far.

Best of luck with the midwife! When is your due date? We're Mar 7th.

Matt

We are still waiting to get in to see our GP, they are useless but we have an appointment early next week so hopefully then the midwife will get sorted.

Our due date is 12th March which just so happens to be my wonderful Mrs's Grandma's birthday and they were extremely close so hopefully that is a good sign.

Chris

Quote from: chrisd on 2011-07-28 07:17
We are still waiting to get in to see our GP, they are useless but we have an appointment early next week so hopefully then the midwife will get sorted.

Our due date is 12th March which just so happens to be my wonderful Mrs's Grandma's birthday and they were extremely close so hopefully that is a good sign.

Chris

It's amazing how differently things are done, even between different GPs in the same city!  Ours my wife rang up then a midwife called back and made an appointment, didn't need to go into the GP?  NHS... sigh.

Anyway, funny how these little date coincidences crop up.  I'm sure that's a good sign for the coming months.

Best of luck
Matt

Hi Matt

We thought that the doc would just contact the mid wife but when we contacted the GP they said that it would be best if we came in, I am quite annoyed about it all to be honest as they offered us appointments which due to work we could not attend as we didnt want to keep taking advantage of our bosses good nature (even though they would have understood).

We thought that about about the dates to and when we were given the due date my partner cried as it meant so much to her.

All the best
Chris

That's nice. You've been waiting a long time. Must be nice to shed some tears for a good reason.

Hopefully you'll get that appointment quickly.

Matt

Hi all

Well we went for our 12 weeks scan today and all is progressing well, we are over the moon and can't wait to start telling everyone.

Now is the time for me to say thank you so much to Mensfe, if it had not been for this site I think I would have gone stir crazy. I found this site purely by accident and at the beginning I used it to lurch on other peoples posts to see what other people were going through.  After a while I plucked up the courage to post and on 11th May 2009 I finally wrote down my feelings, fears and hopes about everything that was going off in my life and our struggle to conceive.

It turned out that this was the best therapy that I could have wished for as it helped me to get things off my chest, it helped me to realise that I was not alone, it helped me to talk to other people in similar situations and realise that the way I was feeling was perfectly normal and it helped me when I made associations with other men who would not judge or make assumptions about my little rants and accept that it was all part of being in the position in life that I found myself in.

I cannot say thank you enough to Rob for all the advice and support that he has given me over the years and I have never known such a connection with someone I have never met, let alone spoke to. We do hope to change that in the future though as I look at him as being a great friend and hopefully someone I can share many more life experiences with. Also thanks to Ben and Eric, in the early days you both helped me and with your own stories. I was so happy when I found out that firstly Ben and his wife were pregnant and then Rob and his wife. I hope everything is going is going well with Ben his baby must be at least 18 months now. I know that Rob is having a brilliant time being a Dad to his beautiful twin girls and I also hope that many of the men who looked but never spoke are now happy
Dad's and enjoying the privilege of being a parent. I hope as well that my story has helped people in their own way by realising that there are other people out there in the same boat, feeling the same things and just wanting to know they are not alone.  In over 2 years 9000 have viewed this post and I know that is not down to the people I have mentioned above.
I also want to thank Matt and Art and to be honest I am in total amazement that the 3 men on here who actively post are all going to become fathers within the space of 2 weeks, knowing you both were going through every stage with me has helped me greatly I also send you both our wishes and hope that your pregnancies are happy ones and that your babies are fit and healthy. Good luck to you both and good luck to all the other 9000+ people who have looked at and read about boring old me ranting, crying and now being the happiest man in the world.

Now come the time when it is time for chrisd to sign off, I know this an infertility website and even though I am sure you are all happy for me I feel that it is not appropriate of me to post as much as I have been doing, I now will only be posting when I feel I can offer something to any of you or to catch up on updates from Art and Matt. This is not to say though that I will vanish completely, I will keep a look out for any newbie's and you oldies too, hoping that you all get what you want from life.
Again thank you to everyone associated with mensfe, you have helped a man to keep his sanity and for that I will be eternally grateful, this site has helped me more than I can explain and I hope that it continues to help men in our situation by giving them the portal to express themselves at this very difficult and emotional stage of our life.

All the best to each and every one of you and thank you once again.
Chris

Chris - Really glad to hear that your 12 week scan went well, and I'm looking forward to ours in a few weeks time (it's been delayed to 13w+3 rather than 12w due to some unavoidable commitments that MWW and I have). Enjoy telling everyone. It's up to you, but personally I plan to tell everyone that it was as a result of IVF, as a conscious effort to make people aware that IVF is needed for some people and can work (especially in my own case of secondary infertility, where everyone assumes that "everything down there obviously works because you've done it once"...).

I completely agree with you about the value of this site, and think that it's a real shame more men don't choose to post themselves. Hopefully those of us who have been posting have helped out some people even if they've not posted themselves. I plan to keep having a look in every so often to see if there are people who I can respond to and help out. It was really nice that Robby posted on my thread a few times, and I certainly don't feel that it's inappropriate for those of us who have been through it to offer to help out where we can.

Best wishes for the future, and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and your time as a father. The hours, days, months and years will start to fly by, so enjoy them while you're there!

Yes Art I agree, we are being very open with everyone with regards to our pregnancy, not only will our child be an IVF baby but also an egg donation baby, it is definatly something that we will not hide from people or our child. It is something that without there is little chance that we would have had the chance to be parents.  I think that infertility should be brought to the forefronts of peoples minds especially in an age where more people are leaving having a family until later in life, it is not as easy to have a baby as we are made out to believe when we are young and with everything that comes with the trauma of infertility, the hurt, the anguish and the mourning of someone you have never met all needs to be brought to the forefront of people's thinking.

But luckily with the help of IVF, the donor and the love that both me and my beautiful fiancee have for each other we will be able to feel the love of having a baby, a baby that will never be taken for granted but is loved now and will be loved forever and more.

Chris

Really pleased that all went well Chris with the 12 week Scan.  I hope you and Art continue to give some updates over the next few months so we know things are still progressing well.

I don't think I'm alone in wanting to express my gratitude to you Chris for posting your story and helping others, many perhaps without realising it.  It certainly gave me the courage to tell my side too and to continue to post through good times and bad was a strong commitment. 

It's amazing how many people open up to you when you say your baby is IVF.  So many people have been through incredible heartbreak, whether it's through IVF or a miscarriage. You've experienced more than most Chris, so I'm sure everyone who has read your story will join me in congratulating you and your wife and wish you every happiness for the future.

Perhaps I'll see you in Jessops in a few months ;)

All the best
Matt
;D

I hope all you mensfe'rs are well.

I just wanted to let you all know that everything is progressing well.

It would be nice to see some other people using this site, I pop on now and again but have not seen any activity.

All the best
Chris

Hi Chris,
I was looking around last night and thinking just the same thing. Glad you're getting on well.
The girls have just had their FIRST BIRTHDAY!
Oh my God. Time goes by!

Have you posted and photos of Tracy on Facebook?
I'd love to see her bump!

All the best,
Rob.

P.s.  sorry if I spam you with photos on Facebook. You'll be doing it to me soon!

Hi Rob

Bombard away old friend, its good to see them grow.

I have put a couple of pics of Tracy up but the camera is broken at the minute and I am waiting on Santa to deliver me a new one so its just crappy phone quality at the mo.

Chris

Hi all

I just wanted to update on our progress to, like Matt we are 33 weeks and all is well. We cant wait for our impending arrival and cannot believe how fast it is going by.

All the best
Chris

Hi Chris,
I'm so glad to hear that all is going well.
Months and months ago we (Even Rocket!) said someday maybe we'd meet up with push-chairs in tow and in my heart of hearts I never thought it would actually happen.  Maybe not for all of us, anyway.
But .. well.
Check us all out!

When's the due date?

Give the missus my best and tell her she looks gorgeous.

Rob

Hi everyone

I trust you are all well.

I wanted to give you all an update on how things are, well my partner is now officially full term, she is 38 weeks today although there is officially 2 weeks to go the baby could arrive anytime.

I have been thinking a lot about people on here lately and often have a look to see if there is anyone who may be new looking for advice. For everyone who has followed my post will know that it has been a long and hard 6 years of tears, heartbreak and utter agony getting to where we are now and I know that when I meet my child it will all have been worthwhile.

I know only to well what it feels like to be in an infertile couple and I also know only to well that miracles can happen, I honestly wish everyone who has followed mine or anyone else's posts all the best in the world and pray that each of you find happiness in your lives and get all that you have ever wanted.

Best of luck Chris. Hope everything else goes smoothly.

After approx 6 years of waiting 6 days ago my son was born into the world.

He is doing very well and so is Mummy, he was born after an emergency c-section, unfortunately I didnt get to see him being born as it was done under general anaesthetic after complications during labour.

All of the anger, fear, sadness and the multitide of all other emotions I have felt during the whole infertility process have been worthwhile.

I would like to thank everyone for all of the support that I have received over the last few years while using mensfe and I hope that my story gives people hope and encouragement that your dreams can come true.

All the best
Chris

Hi Chris!

We are newbies on mensfe but have read every single thread and off course yours too - it's so far the longest one but its worth reading - very encouraging and inspiring.

God be with your precious son!
Thank you for sharing your experience here and good luck to you!

Very many congratulations on the arrival of your son, Chris. May you enjoy every one of the days, weeks, months and years to come!