Recording - "Hello, Welcome to the Psychiatric hotline."
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependant, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. just stay on the line until I trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it dos'nt matter which number you press. no one will answer.