Feeling Useless

[JD80]

Hello

Just joined the forum and hoping to hear/share experiences. We start icsi next month. For the last 6 months I've quit alcohol, no caffeine healthy food etc with little difference to sperm quality. I just feel useless but can't show that to anyone.

How unjust that siblings and friends seem to get by just smiling at each other!

I'm trying to be positive, but now thinking what if it doesn't work? I feel for my wife as she, and I really would love a child, but time is running out (I'm 32 she is 36 this year)

[art]

Hi JD80, welcome to the forum. Unfortunately, there's a lot of people who seem to read but not post, but hopefully you'll get a few people commenting. There have been about four active posters in the last year...

We went through ICSI about 9 months ago, and it can be a bit depressing. I tried all of the things you mentioned, and it didn't seem to make much difference to sperm quality. I think my lowest point was when two friends both got pregnant without trying to or even really wanting to, when we'd been trying for a couple of years with no success!

What I would say is that time isn't running out that quickly for you. I think that the average age of patients at the clinic we used was over 36, which means well over half of their patients are older than you!

I'd also say that whatever you have to go through, if it's successful at the end you don't care how bad it was. We were lucky enough to fall pregnant first time round with ICSI, and I'm typing this with my two week old son ten feet away, and it really is all worthwhile.

Once again, welcome, good luck, and there are others who are thinking of you, even if there aren't many posts.

[JD80]

Congratulations - you must be so happy.

I am praying that it will all be worth it, it's just such a long emotional road and the inability to do anything can get me down. It's harder to put on the expected happy face.

It gives me great hope to hear stories like yours, and I hope that in a few months, I can put a similar story.

You are very kind to have replied, thank you.

[chrisd]

Hi there

I really hope that your journey through this is short and that your cycle works well for you both.

The best advice I can give to you is stay positive, me and my partner were trying to conceive for about 5 years before she became pregnant through IVF treatment last year, we are now awaiting our babies birth.

Like yourself there is an age difference between me and the mrs, when we started trying to get pregnant I was 28 and she was 35, now we are 33 and 40.  I know it can be difficult to try and stay positive but I did through this entire process, even when faced with some of the most difficult dicisions that a person must make, I know it helped me through and I know that because of that I wont ever take anything in life for granted again.

I wish you and your wife all the luck in the world and I hope that you have a very successful cycle, if there is ever anything I or any of the other guys (Rob, Matt or Art) can do for you then I am sure we will do our best.

Chris

[JD80]

Chris, your story is inspiring. At times it is hard to stay positive, but your advice is sound and is something to reflect on. I have truly been overwhelmed with how supportive people are on this forum - its a great space to offload, but hear from people who have been through it.

I hope that our dream comes true very soon, and I hope that when it does, my story helps others.

Thanks again. Good luck with everything!

[robbyb]

Good luck, JD80.
I'll be watching this space.

[AandO]

Hi, JD!

Sorry to hear that you feel useless! You are not! you are, I'm sure, a very loving, supporting, caring husband to your wife and it means a lot! the fact that you your sperm isnt of a good quality shouldnt lead you to this kind of thought! actually you are even more lucky than us - we dont have sperm at all, not even in biopsy sample.

I have read somewhere that supplements containing folic acid, zink, vitamin E improve the quality of the sperm. We took them too - but there was nothing to improve unfortunately. Also you may consider taking tribestan - just google and you'll find info on it - its herbal, non-hormonal and improves the whole bunch of masculine problems! i know people are taking it without doctor's prescription since its herbal - anyway its not going to worsen the situation.

We are sure that YOU WILL succeed one day - it just takes time and a lot of nerves apparently. I cant say it about us - we dont really know what future has in store for us. But never feel useless because you are NOT!

take care!

[JD80]

Thanks AandO. I really appreciate your comments. I really hope things work out well for you.
It's such an emotional journey. We start ICSI next week. Whilst I'm pleased we are on the road, I am fearful if things do not work out.

It's so humbling that people take time to help each other on this forum when they are going through such tough times themselves.

I seriously wish you all the luck

[JD80]

And so the ICSI journey begins. My wife has started the first lot of injections, and just about to start stimulation. She feels so tired and has mood swings, which generally lead to me feeling incompetent in some form. It's so difficult to remain positive when life is so much on hold. I absolutely want to support her as much as I can, but at times I don't know how. Any ideas?
I just pray that the next 3-4 weeks go without any hitches and then we just wait and hope.

How have others kept so positive when you feel like you are running on empty

[JD80]

We had the first follicle scan today - all is going well. So difficult not to get too excited as we know there are many hurdles to cross before we can even begin to dream

[art]

Good luck JD80. Glad to hear that all is still going well.

[chrisd]

Good luck to you and your wife, I hope everything works out for you both.

The best advice I can give to you is to be there for eachother, you will both experience a lot of different emotions but you must try and stay strong and support eachother.  Remind yourself why you are doing this and it will hopefully make sense.

All the best
Chris

[JD80]

Thanks. Egg retrieval and semen deposit tomorrow. So nervous and excited!

[JD80]

The next few days are crucial and both my wife are I are feeling anxious about today's phone call. They retrieved 16 eggs, but we are waiting to find out how many fertilise and survive. Egg transfer will either be tomorrow or Monday.

Thanks to everyone who reads or comments. It's great to hear we are not alone and hear of others experience. It's been a long road to get to this point, we are just praying that fate is on our side.

[art]

Sixteen is a great number. More than we managed!

Fingers crossed for you.