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Is it different for men?

Started by rtaylor, 2013-02-19 21:09

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rtaylor

Just wondering, is all this the same for men and women?  can't help noticing that almost all stuff published, even about the effect on men, is written by women.

I know that there is an argument that we are a couple, and there is some real truth in that, ie we go through it together, but I can't help sometimes feeling that its really all about the female, and there are some things that I can not get my head around, and there must be things that I think and feel that they can not quite grasp as well........... its mainly about the strength of the need and how I face possible disappointment as well.

art

That's why I always think that this forum is important, as it's a chance for men to talk to men about the topic.

robbyb

Yeah, I second that.

My feelings are that its all about the ladies primarily, but not entirely, because they bear the physical brunt in most cases.  Also, most women want and need to have their fairly deep emotions/feelings heard, understood and validated in order to cope.  Most men however don't even know how they feel themselves most of the time and just know they feel good or bad about stuff!

My point is that the need for support (be it through forums, friends, family or partners) for a girl is so much greater than the needs of a bloke.  So it stands to reason that everyone, including the bloke (and, dare I say it: the woman too?), will prioritise the feelings of the woman.  They express more need and so they are prioritised.  Maybe?
Blokes find it hard to talk and frankly usually dont want to, so is it so surprising that the ladies (who often have 'talking' to spare) tend to speak for them and in doing so, take the spotlight?

Having said that it would be absurd to suggest that the men don't have equally important emotional needs, its just that they dont need them dealt with out in the open.  The bit that rankles a bit is that, and I think you'r right here rtaylor, because the girls endlesly discuss every conceivable (ha ha not) facet of their emotional processes then they simply assume that they know it all.  Sometimes they and the Establishment fail to recognise that the things that the guys cant get their headsa around will be different from the things the girls struggle with!

Art is right.  This is the exact reason why we are all right to share our feelings here a forum to drop in and out of and use as and when we want to.  And a place where other men Get It.

I'm rambling.  All the best, chaps.

rtaylor

To be honest, and with all due respect to those who feel very different, I am sure that women, and definitely my partner have a far greater need for a child than I do.

Its almost like she needs something/someone tangible to love and make sense of her life, whilst, although I think that would be really nice, its not the be all and end all for me.
This is the life we have, and we have each other and a future to love and share.......... can't that be enough?

Of course I will do what I can and go as far as I can, but this is what I meant by my first comment ..... is it different for men?

robbyb

Naturally, I get your point but I guess its just swings and roundabouts, isnt it?
For me it was as much a need as it was for my wife.

chrisd

I agree Rob, my need for a child was something that was born to me a long time before I met MWW. Men suffer massively from not being able to have a child (whether that be through male or female infertility) being in an infertile couple affects both albeit in different ways.