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Author Topic: why do some men feel so underrepresented in the worl of fertility  (Read 1643 times)
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A story sent to Mensfe
Why do some men feel so underrepresented in the world of fertility ?
When I say under represented I do not mean they are not there………. In spirit, but their role, and often their presence is often overlooked and/or undervalued.
Within fertility issues, it is clear from (my) experience that the drive is far more intense from the female. both initially as well as the endurance to undergo multiple rounds of treatment. It is usually the male who will contemplate or breach the concept of “giving up” first.
Why is this? Maybe it is the pure evolutionary bio-psychological drive that such a short period of a woman’s life is the window of opportunity to give life. This itself evokes an intensity hard for some males to imagine.
Also often males may have already had children in previous relationships and the drive to spread the gene is less powerful as a result of this…… but I feel that one of the main issues that culminates in my exclusion is historically encultured values in the role of men and women.
Man the provider, man who goes and prepares to lay down his life for his homeland in war. Man the strong one and all this evolving into an unhealthy patriarchal society where any display of emotion is often still considered a weakness for men.
So all this manifests itself in the consultation room in the hospitals and in the counselling room.
As a man my role is to fix, protect and supply.
In that fertility center, I am in a position where I can not fix this problem, there are experts who have taken that control and expertise out of my hands……… I am redundant, pushed out.
My partner is unhappy and the situation is that whatever I do I can not alleviate her pain, I am frustrated and as a man I get angry and turn that in on myself
What I can do is research, I find myself gathering prodigious amounts of data from the internet, but it is futile.
So I run away, away from the shame of not fulfilling my role for my partner,   and you just do not see me.
The problem is historic and societal, the solution needs to be shaped by modern thinking and practice.
High level conferences need to recognise the need to acknowledge the plight of men struggling to come to terms with the changing expectations of a modern world.
The implications and impact of fertility crosses the gender boundary and men need to have a space to be heard.
Can you imagine any other scenario where one group was excised? where a black groups experience was relayed by an all-white panel, where the elderly’s experience of care was spoken about by young people…… 
It just deepens the division and further drives men away when they are ignored, and not represented by the leaders in such important fields as fertility.
It is without doubt that the process of addressing fertility in the medical environment, the period of pregnancy, and of course the raising of children in a mutually respecting and supportive home will be better served with a couple working together. …In a world where the male feels included and important, and where he has had a stake all through the process.
Sadly, for many reasons that is not the world of fertility and there are few so enlightened practitioners like …… who recognize this truth.
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