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Best to keep Quiet?

Started by ptravis, 2007-11-30 11:23

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I have been watching the forum for a while now and wondering whether anyone would put something in here because this is what bothers me the most. We do have a boy and a girl now by donor sperm because I have no sperm but it has bene a long journey.
When it all blew up I stupidly told a couple of mates and before I knew it all kinds of odd stuff was happening. Some thought I couldn't 'do it', some seemed to think I must be gay and I certainly seemed to 'go down' in the manhood macho stakes. The jokes in the pub suddenly seemed directed at me and I realised what a macho world we really live in... How could I survive all that? I even had one of my mates offer to 'do the business for me' if I couldn't manage it. he's not a mate anymore!
Oh its a bit better now because we have children but my point is be careful who you tell and what you tell cos its bad enough that its happening to you without suddenly having to deal with a lot of extra rubbish!!
I am hopeful that something like this mensfe forum can help a bit because in my experience you just cannot tell how men are going to react when you tell them.


 >:( I recently told onw of my freinds on a night out that we were going for treatment he decided to tell all my friends i was a JAFFA which i kinda had to go along with as not to appear upset but it confirmed what i thought may happen and macho male pride **** blocks any real discussions between men. Altough i my friends are all roughly the same age 37-39 and without kids it may have sparked some inner discussion but doubt it...choose who you tell wisely, same goes for my gay male freinds - not very sympathetic to our plight...oh well :D



My goodness Wil that must have been difficult for you, I thought guys were coming to terms with male infertility I am so sorry your mates had this attitude. Male pride, ego. masculinity can be a block to meaningful discussions for some men, maybe I have been more fortunate than you. Although I have not discussed my issues with many the ones I have spoken to have been really suportive.
Again you must have really felt very isolated by there responce - How are you getting on now???


ptravis -hi I just got my diagnosis recently, and was told that we would have to use donor sperm - and I've got to admit that one of the first things that I thought about was who or if I'd tell because of all the jaffa digs. We told our best friends-a couple who've got kids (one his,one hers,one theirs) because the wife and her had been going to clinics together,-they were OK, sympathetic etc, but have been sworn to secrecy. My wife has just been telling our families that we need IVF treatment, I think she is trying to 'protect' me too from any attacks on my masculinity-ffs I've got medical proof that I am definately male.


Thanks guys for these story's it is so helpful to share - I know I have difficulty in writing up my experiences but I am a bit closer than I was - I noticed the story from Pepperal maybe being a little frustrated at the amount of hits Mensfe gets in proportion to the amount of posts are put on but hey guys what the hell as long as it helps.
Happy Christmas to all.


I feel that by being honest with my male friends and family with regards to infertility it has opened their eyes to the fact that not everyone will just be able to start trying then wham bam thank you man 9 months later they have kids.  It is opening their eyes to the possiblity that if I want children I need to think about sooner rather than later.